#also comparing this year to last year. i was posting WAY more in those first few months after i made this blog lol

[smartzelda]

Sometimes it's frustrating having worked in video game retail and knowing anything about game/console prices and deals watching people just. Say things online

"Look at this nintendo add for the SNES you could get the console and super mario world for like $100! Companies never do that anymore they're so greedy hahaha"

Yes, companies still bundle consoles with games. And yes, often this means the games come at a reduced price. (Mario Kart World for Switch 2 is $50 in the bundle versus the $80 for physical. When Gamestop was bundling games and controllers with new ps5s to keep away scalpers in like 2022, the games included often would be discounted between $10 and $20 for that bundle.)

Don't get me wrong. Of course less than $200 for a console and a first party game would be swell these days BUT. When you decided to get up in arms over prices these days, did you adjust for inflation? (Because like. It's one thing if the new console you're doing comparisons with the old one is much more expensive even when factoring in inflation. But also like some of those old consoles adjusted for inflation are worth about the same if not more than a switch 2, then it's like...okay? At that point the prices aren't the problem. The root issue is the companies not paying you in accordance with rising inflation.)

Believe it or not YES. Nintendo still does console deals where you can buy their most recent home console with a first party game added in for free! (Listen to me. Listen. In 2021 and 2022 for Christmas it was possible to walk into a video game store and buy a $300 switch bundle that included Mario Kart 8 deluxe and like 3 months free Nintendo Online. In like 2022/2023 for Christmas they also did $350 switch oled bundles that included Mario Kart 8 deluxe and 3 months nintendo online for free. The price of a console for a $60 video game and 3 months of the online service. This isn't some mythic business practice that stopped happening in like 2005 or something. I promise.)

Yes obviously the companies are greedy. They use deals to pull you in to get you to spend more than you expected. They also often have more sales than you're even aware of because they benefit more from people paying full price. They underpay people and they use whatever excuses needed oftentimes to raise prices to keep that profit rising. But it does no one any real good other than allow people to get pissed off to lie or assume things which aren't true. There are so many reasons to dislike companies (esp. Nintendo), you don't need to rely on acting like things used to be so much better in cases that they're not, or treating things that are industry wide standards/issues as something one company is the sole perpetrator of.

Moral of the story, maybe perhaps like do a bit a research instead of assuming whatever thing that pisses you off greatly is 100% true, and direct your ire in the right direction. Ground yourself emotionally and mentally, know what's going on. Be pissed at corporations. You're allowed to be fuckin pissed at corporations. Just please know what tf you're talking about and what exactly the root issue is

[milkoomi]

finding & knowing your worth. ᥫ᭡

i wanted to take some time and talk about self-worth. this is something that was extremely difficult for me to find and realize for myself, but as i look back on my life and reflect on my growth, i’ve found myself truly knowing my own worth. of course, i still have those days that are more difficult than others, but i’ve been able to quickly pick myself back up. why? because i know my worth. i want to share a few things that have helped me realize that for myself, so i hope this post is able to enlighten you. ㅤ♡

let’s begin …

୨ৎ — lose interest in outsider opinions

in simpler terms: stop caring. i kept asking myself, “why do i care so much about what others are thinking of me?” and then i came across a couple quotes where one said, “if you wouldn’t trust their advice, why would you take their criticism?” and the other said, “i would never want to trade lives with someone who hates me.” those two quotes really stuck with me because it reminded me that those people who didn’t have a good opinion of me were the same people i needed to stop caring about.

so what if someone didn’t like me? that person is either no longer a part of my life (for good reason) or they don’t know me in the ways that my loved ones or my own self do, so why should what they have to say or think about me matter?

i knew myself better than anyone, so whatever anyone had to say about me shouldn’t have bothered me, and i let it stop bothering me. i also realized that as my day goes on and i find myself not thinking about what someone said, i tell myself that it wasn’t even worth a single thought in the first place because, clearly, it doesn’t bother me anymore!

if it won’t matter to you in 5 years, don’t continue to give it any more of a meaning.

୨ৎ — stop seeking validation

to piggyback off of my previous point, seeking outside validation is 1. not worth your time and 2. pointless. other people should never be the ones who define your worth. you have to seek validation from yourself. nobody else has a right to tell you whether or not you’re worthy.

i was always looking for validation from others, and it made my own journey to finding myself even more difficult. there were so many different opinions about me that i kept hearing, and it made me feel lost. it felt like i was getting further and further from truly discovering myself and feeling like i was worth something.

i had to pretty much force myself to seek validation within myself rather than from anyone else. it was hard, but the longer i kept searching for some kind of worth to others the more miserable and empty i felt.

୨ৎ — self reflection

time to bring out that journal, babe. we’re going to write about ourselves.

no, seriously, take some time to reflect on yourself. look within yourself and understand yourself a bit more. getting to know yourself and taking the time to focus on yourself can help you figure some things out and even bring you one step closer to truly knowing your worth.

prompts for reflection:

what are 3 characteristics about your personality do you like about yourself? why?

what are your strengths? how do those things about you make you a better person?

what’s your favorite thing(s) about you? how would they compare to what a loved one would say about you?

what are the things that weigh you down? what can you do to lift that weight off your shoulders?

how have you changed within the last 3 years? what about you has changed that you’re really proud of?

self reflection has helped me grow so much. i’ve learned so many new things about myself and it’s helped appreciate myself way more. you’ll be surprised at all the things you find about yourself, and guess what? one of those things will be your own worth.

୨ৎ — surround yourself with positivity

the people who you surround yourself with will play a huge role in how you feel about yourself. i spent too many years surrounded by people who made me feel like i was never enough, and i continued to keep the same kind of people around. i was sick of it. i was tired of being mistreated and feeling betrayed. those people made me feel miserable and they only ever brought me down rather than lifted me up.

even the media i consumed didn’t help me. i was always so focused on comparing myself to those instagram models and tiktok girls who looked nothing like me, and it made me feel worse about myself. even watching videos or shows that brought me down made my esteem drop too.

it’s important to surround yourself with people and media that make you feel good, that lift you up, and that help you feel confident because that kind of good treatment is what you deserve! you shouldn’t have to submit yourself to negativity, it only makes you feel worse and it’ll continue to get worse the longer you keep those things and people around.

now that i have people in my life that make me feel genuinely loved and cared for, i feel like i can offer that same energy those people give me to myself! it really makes a huge difference who your close circle consists of, so make sure those people are people who are genuinely and unconditionally there for you.

୨ৎ — final notes

if you do need a reminder: you are worthy, and you always have been! finding and knowing your own worth is no easy feat, but the journey you’ll go on to discover it and implement it into your life will be so extremely worth it. i promise!

you will always be more than enough, and i hope you can continue to remind yourself of that. treat yourself with genuine love and kindness, and don’t ever take yourself for granted. you have achieved so much and you have so many things to offer in life. you may not see it now, but once you do, you’ll see just how beautiful and bright your own light is.

with lots of love, faustina 🌷

[carawenfiction]

So...remember how I said in that update post how I might MAYBE do a TSS rewrite and post it for free?

"Maybe" quickly turned into "definitely happening". Instead of making it outside of COG, however, the finished product that's already published will be updated with the rewritten files. This means that if you've already purchased TSS through COG, you'll have the rewritten version available. That's how I originally intended to go about things with the old rewrite and is the better option here to avoid potential complications.

I've been in contact with COG and they've let me know that I'd be able to do what I have in mind even if this results in a different wordcount and very different scenes/plot points and a different kind of main story.

I realize that this announcement is probably pretty jarring since my last post stated that I wasn't sure about doing a rewrite but that I wanted to if I had enough time. After making that post, I started creating an outline for the rewrite mostly for fun...and one thing kind of led to another. I want you all to know that I wouldn't be making this post at all if I wasn't sure about this. It's because I've already begun the process and feel incredibly motivated and inspired that I can do this that I'm making this announcement.

This rewrite is not going to be like my old attempt at a rewrite, though. It's an entirely new one that I feel much more confident about.

So far I've written the outline for the rewrite and started reworking already existing scenes from chapter 1 as well some new ones. I'm happy to say that the difference between how the rewrite process felt years ago compared to now is like night and day. It seems like those years I've taken away from TSS were very healthy and helpful in giving me some distance and letting me figure out what kind of story I really want to tell.

My plan is to rewrite book 1 and then make 1 full continuation after that. Instead of a trilogy, it looks like this version of TSS will be 2 volumes, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it'll be shorter than originally intended. I think it's more doable for me to rewrite the first book (starting from scratch while also using some already written scenes, since I've been assured I'm allowed to do so) and then make 1 complete continuation of it rather than trying to fill stuff out over 3 different entries, and I think it'll serve the plot and story as a whole to do it that way.

That being said, I fully understand that some - or most of you - might have trouble trusting my word after me failing to do the rewrite I wanted to years ago and not delivering a second book. That's completely fair. This time I'm not rushing things and I don't feel any pressure to do this. It's not something I do out of dislike for the original, but rather out of love for what it could be and what I could make it into, if that makes sense. I'm taking as much time as I need to and am not putting any pressure on myself to do this.

My other project takes priority right now so I can't dedicate all of my time to the rewrite, but I'm working on it when I have time over or get stuck. It's actually pretty nice to alternate between two different stories that have different settings and has helped a bit in avoiding writer's block.

Here are some differences between TSS and the TSS rewrite (most of the changes I made to the old rewrite no longer apply):

The rewrite will be told in second-person point of view ("you" instead of "I"). The reason for this is that when I first started TSS I was really unused to the second-person POV, but after having spent years in the IF space it's now the other way around. It'll make writing much easier for for me, and I hope it won't feel too jarring for people who are used to the first person POV.

The Shadowman and Jealene (now "J") will both be genderselectable just like the main cast. The Shadowman will be genderselectable later on, though - it might sound strange but I think it makes sense when you have more context. J plays a bigger role than they did in the original and their personality is a bit different in this version.

Some side characters (such as most of the hideout) will be cut. This is because they felt really underdeveloped to me in the full game and didn't serve much of a purpose. Instead I'm focusing more on the main cast + a few key characters to ensure the story plot stays focused and you get more time to develop bonds of various kinds with the main cast instead.

The relationship system will look a bit different. Instead of bars showing a percentage of approval, I'll write a description of each character and what they think of you. The descriptions will shift when the character starts viewing you differently, whether that's due to rivalry, romance or friendship. My hope is that this will allow for a more nuanced relationship system/descriptions. I'll also adjust the options a bit to try and make choices more nuanced and am thinking of including the option of having ex. a heart next to a romantic choice for those who want to know for sure what they're getting into. The different responses (such as shy, flirty etc.) will stay but some of it will probably be reworked. Essentially what I want to do is allow for a wider range of MCs and how the characters respond to the MC.

The MC is going to have more agency in certain ways. I've included something plot-relevant to the main character that can potentially change the dynamic between them and the group a bit, but it all depends on how you play it.

The tone might be somewhat different. Not entirely, of course, but there are some parts of the old TSS where the characters sound a bit younger than they are supposed to be, where tension and seriousness has been sacrificed in favor of humor and where some of the interactions aren't the way I would prefer for them to be. I've gotten older since writing TSS (gasp) and my tastes have changed, as has my writing to some degree. In order to do a rewrite I'd have to write in a way that's most enjoyable for me and that I feel best fits the story I want to tell. That's not to say that there isn't going to be silliness etc., but I'm adjusting the tone somewhat and putting more time and effort into descriptions and the writing overall.

The narrative will be different, even though the overall story itself will mostly stay the same. I'm keeping a lot of elements and also aim to introduce new ones that I believe will strengthen the story and make it a more enjoyable game overall.

I think those are the main differences I can give away right now without spoiling anything. I'll make sure to post updates when I've got more to share! Once the demo for the rewrite is finished, I'll post it on the forums and link it in an intro post on here.

Thank you all for sticking by me throughout the years. I hope you'll find some comfort in returning to this world, as well as new things to ponder and excite you in this new upcoming version of the story <3

The Azuridia and Quaiel chibis are done by the amazing madebysalfi

[crippleprophet]

let me open by saying I Know How This Sounds (fem whose undergraduate chemistry professor recommended ze take turmeric to cure zyr arthritis, etc) so no hard feelings if you keep scrolling, but hopefully folks who know me know i'm speaking honestly about my experiences, even if those don't end up being the same for other people. so!

2 Tbsp of a common kitchen spice is doing as much or more to manage my ME/CFS as any of my meds or self-medicating drugs

@lakeeffectbitch outlines a way of trying this with a control in their reddit post (link); i just went directly to the one they thought might work so i'll put my experiences & the science/theory behind this under a cut for folks who want to avoid potential placebo effect :)

i'll get more specific about this in the "spoilers" but please be aware, especially folks with diabetes or other blood sugar conditions, that this substance may cause a blood sugar drop. it's less likely at this dose but probably keep a sugary snack on hand just in case

if you experience post-exertional malaise & want to try this but don't have spare money to spend on spices feel free to dm me & i'll see if i can help!

my experience:

i took 2 Tbsp ground sumac mixed with warm water on February 11. i tried taking it with a straw first because that's what my colonoscopy prep had said would make that go down easier but because the sumac particles were so big they didn't want to remain suspended & trying to get them in the straw was difficult, which then made it harder to swallow without, yknow, noticing that you're slurping down sediment

what worked better was getting the powder wet, putting a big clump of it on my tongue, then swallowing it with water like a pill

within about half an hour of taking the sumac it was like my fatigue just faded around me where i stood. it dissolved to the background & when i thought "oh i want to do this" or "i should do that" suddenly i found myself just doing it. i had spent the past week at least bedridden except for the bathroom, & though i took the sumac on a better day, i'd been planning to return to bed with a snack after taking it.

instead, i made myself lunch, and i sat on the couch to eat it. all of this was without taking an edible that day; usually i've gotta take at least 25mg delta 8 + 25mg cbd to even consider sitting on the couch. also, it was storming.

from my write-up the day of: "everything felt very sharp & clear & lucid." i washed the dishes from my lunch. all of these activities were about 2 hours, & at that point i emphatically needed a nap. waking up felt like after taking a muscle relaxer & sleeping: my muscles were more relaxed, & my whole body felt like it'd gotten a bit of a break

i've taken sumac at least 8 times since then on at least 5 different days (this time by modifying this sumac tart recipe to include a lot of sumac powder in the crust, which has been much more enjoyable than the Glass O' Sediment lmao) & adjusting for factors like weather, the effect has been comparable every time:

i watched Inception on the couch with my husband, & understood when she explained things to me

i watched leverage on the couch all day when it was below freezing

i worked a bit on fanfics i've barely been able to touch in a year

i "meal prepped" measuring spices, gathering ingredients, & soaking beans to make beans & rice in the instant pot later that day. i literally can't remember the last time i was able to use my instant pot, after thinking about it i think it was when i made palak paneer last summer, but that was a one-off special occasion thing, i've used it maybe 3 other times since developing ME

i wrote this post

the science:

okay a lot of this shit was over my head before i developed ME so i'm gonna be summarizing at my level lol, look to @lakeeffectbitch for a higher-level analysis

but what i do know! (all images from "The malic acid inhibiting inflammation in ankylosing spondylitis by interfering M1 macrophage polarization" by Ji et al., January 2025)

sumac contains high levels of malic acid, which is found in certain fruits (apples, peaches, etc)

the drugs.com page classifies malic acid as an inactive ingredient, so there are no known drug interactions

mice with ankylosing spondylitis had lower levels of peripheral malic acid than control mice

ID: bar graph showing mice with AS had about 0.03 micromoles per milliliter of peripheral malic acid, compared to the control mice level of over 0.2 micromoles per milliliter. the difference is labeled significant via asterisks. end ID

mice with higher malic acid concentrations had lower ESR and CRP (inflammation markers)

ID: two graphs showing lines with a downward slope. the top graph, ESR versus malic acid concentration, is labeled: r=-0.6802, 95% confidence interval =-0.8843 – -0.2578, p=-0.0053. the graph shows ESR, an inflammation marker, decreasing as malic acid concentration increases. the bottom graph, CRP versus malic acid concentration, is labeled: r=-0.6068, 95% confidence interval =-0.8537 – -0.1371, p=-0.0165. the graph shows CRP, an inflammation marker, decreasing as malic acid concentration increases. end ID

mice treated with malic acid had lower levels of TNF-alpha than the mice with untreated ankylosing spondylitis. humira & similar biologics that treat autoimmune diseases are TNF-alpha blockers

ID: a bar graph of relative mRNA expression of TNF-alpha. M0, the control mice, has a relative expression of 1. M1, the mice with ankylosing spondylitis that did not receive treatment, has a relative expression of slightly less than 4.5. M1+MA, the mice with ankylosing spondylitis who received the malic acid treatment, has a relative expression slightly less than 3. this indicates that the mice treated with malic acid had lower expression of TNF-alpha than the untreated mice. asterisks between M0 and M1 and between M1 and M1+MA indicate significance. end ID

the mitochondrial function of M2 macrophages in mice treated with malic acid "was significantly enhanced"

analysis of the mice's spinal tissue blew my fucking socks off. trying not to jump to conclusions & i know journal articles are full of errors but that looks potentially disease-modifying.

ID: a 5x3 presentation of samples of mouse spinal tissue. the control mice, which are healthy, have thick, undamaged, glowing tissue. the mice with ankylosing spondylitis have thin, curved, cracked-looking tissue. the mice treated with celecoxib, a common prescription NSAID for arthritis, appear very similar to the untreated mice. the mice treated with 250mg/kg of malic acid per day have tissue in between the untreated and healthy appearances; the tissue is "glowing" like the healthy tissue but still narrower and curved, although less so than the untreated tissue. the mice treated with 500mg/kg of malic acid per day have tissue which looks even closer to the healthy appearance, with less curvature than the other treatment groups. end ID

since i started drafting this post i've started taking these malic acid supplements from Nature's Life – the full dose made me feel weird including some heartburn so i cut the capsules & take roughly 2/3 – 3/4 of it at a time (i drop the rest into a spare pill jar to make more doses from). it's been similarly effective for me

please be aware that the supplement instructions say to only take it once a day, i haven't had any issues but everybody is different & this avenue is definitely under-researched! (the mice were given 250mg/kg per day which for me would be like 27 grams but i am not a mouse lol)

[saiddcain]

As someone who joined Tomarrymort Fandom last year, I am curious... what was it like when it was a very rare ship in the 2000s?

Well, it was a different context back then. A different internet. Mind you, I wrote in Portuguese (my native tongue) and posted on fanfiction.net. There was no ao3, only fanfic forums, livejournal and the big one, ff.net. Back in the 2000s, before tumblr exploded and concentrated fandom in its trenches, fanfic itself wasn’t a very known concept. In a way, the Harry Potter series really helped develop the genre and put it on the map in a way that previous fandoms — Buffy, LotR, Star Trek and others — hadn’t. The moment was very auspicious; HP was a global phenomenon and the internet was rising faster than ever. The months, years between the release of the final four books also helped: restless, hundreds of thousands of fans started writing their own versions of the story. I remember when a newspaper in my country published an article about Harry Potter fans and fanfics. They even mentioned Drarry! A breach between “fandom world” and the “real world”. Nowadays “fanfic” is used a slang in my culture (to mean lie, fabricated tale) by people who have no idea where the term came from. Fandom is a known thing and its members are taken seriously as consumers. Entertainment companies are aware of ships, of tropes, even of old men yaoi.

It was different back then. Even within that huge fandom Voldemort/Harry or TomHarry was a small, almost inexistent ship. We didn’t know yet that Harry was Voldemort’s Horcrux — although some fans had already come up with the theory. There was a lot of crack involving Voldemort. Noseless, bald, snake-like Voldy. He was far from the sex symbol he is today. I remember when Ralph Fiennes was cast to play him…

Tom Riddle, on the other hand, was a bit more palatable. If I remember correctly he was shipped mostly with Ginny. A lot of fans were intrigued by him. But many couldn’t see past the unsexy villain he’d become. A lack of handsomeness — that was unforgivable. Especially in an age where Japanese Animation was also a growing hype — compare Voldemort to the bishonen that treaded gracefully the western screens: Itachi, Sesshoumaru, Light Yagami, all those svelte, long-haired beauties. Even Orochimaru, Voldemort’s most obvious anime double, had more style.

I’ve always liked villains. I read the first Harry Potter when I was six or seven and I already liked Voldemort then. Even as a shade, a shape on the back of Quirrell’s head. When he was re-introduced as Tom Riddle in the Chamber of Secrets I knew he would be my favourite ever. Like many other kids I grew up with Harry. But Voldemort was my son, my love, my darling. I started reading fanfic when I was twelve but most of it was anime’s. When I came across Harry Potter fanfic my focus was the Marauders. We had a very thriving community writing in Brazilian Portuguese before we were all colonised by the internet’s Lingua Franca. Both in English (which I started to learn when I was ten) and Portuguese Voldemort/Tom Riddle was a usually side character. Ginny, Bellatrix, obvious self-inserts OCs, Lucius — those were his most common partners.

TomHarry/Harrymort started to appear more, I think, after the release of the fifth book. That connection, that dream sharing, is hard to ignore. I recall an author who’d put Harry through hell through Voldemort’s hands (he was quite the sadist in their depiction). Others wrote him as the tender violator. Some of the tropes that are now popular began to be formed: Dark!Harry, Dumbledore bashing, Light Bashing. A lot of fics depicted Voldemort “rescuing” Harry from the Dursleys, horrified by the abused he suffered.

Not many explored Harry and Tom, but some did. Time travel fics were almost unheard of. A few gems attempted that glorious hardship: Voldemort and Harry being together while staying true to their morals and beliefs. Those were very hard to find and I treasured them.

I think something shifted in the late 2000s/early 2010s. We now knew Harry was Voldemort’s Horcrux. And we had Flayu. Flayu was the first popular, Japanese fanartist to draw TomHarry/Harrymort. We didn’t have the incomparable @shelter-maki0 but we had drawings like this and this and this.

I stayed away from the fandom and from Voldemort/Harry for a long time. After Voldemort died in the seventh book I renounced Harry Potter……my baby was gone and I felt that he was done very dirty in the end. He went out like a Disney villain. No depth. So I don’t know how we moved from a very niche pairing with few fanfics and only one big fanartist to 16,120 fics as I’m writing this. I missed that bridge. The fandom annoys me nowadays because so many works are more of the same. I feel like we used to be more daring back in my day. But that could be just me being a 30+ old man yelling at a cloud. But also:

For all the annoyance the overuse of that trope (and others) causes me, I’m happy this fandom is so much bigger now and so many people enjoy this pairing. When I stumbled on them, many, many years ago, it was like a switch turned on in my brain. Voldemort/Harry makes so much sense it’s insane. I’m glad more people see it, write about it, love them like me.

Hope I didn’t bore you with my (old man’s…) reminiscences. This was a fun ask to answer. Thank you ❤️

[harmonysanreads]

— On Phainon's debating skills and the brilliance of the Citizens' Assembly scene in showcasing his character development.

In response to @stickyspeckledlight ’s questions. I've been a regular academic debater for about six years now so, I can't put into words how special Phainon being a debater (and such a good one at that, which we'll get to shortly) is to me. So thank you for giving me the chance to properly yap about this. My original reblog got too long so I had to make a separate post orz. Explanation includes spoilers for HSR 3.0, 3.1, 3.2 and 3.3 Trailblaze quests.

To be honest, listening to that debate for the first time was incredibly nerve wracking for me. It was, as you say, a gamble and it could've gone horribly wrong anywhere.

Something crucial to realize about debates is that, they're less of this rigid exchange of counterarguments and more of a performance. Sure, the validity of your logic matters but, you're also graded on auxiliary things like body language, eye contact, enunciation, idiolect, fluency, manners and how well you can keep your audience hooked.

It is often said that how you make your point matters more than the point itself — because, even the judges won't be listening keenly to what facts and data you're presenting sometimes.

When you accept that debates are like performances, it becomes easier to follow and bend the rules. As well as to have fun. This is something that Anaxa — our Great Performer — understands very well. I bring Anaxa up because I'm pretty sure it was him who taught Phainon this tactic, as mentioned by Phainon in the 3.3 quest, “In the end I remembered a lesson from one of my teachers: In battles where words are weapons, outrage and blind passion often overpower reason.”

Anaxa also says something similar before casting his vote, “You've done well, Phainon. Given the circumstances, delivering a rousing speech to stir up emotions was a prudent move.”

This isn't all made up for the sake of creating drama by the way. I've seen this tactic being used in parliamentary debates, at least in my country. The goal is to stir emotions among your audience (including the judges/jury) in the hopes of securing support, doesn't matter if it's sympathy, rage or something else. This should be in harmony with your logic.

It's... fascinating to watch when executed smoothly. Personally though, this tactic peeves me because, often it's used to divert attention from the fact that your argument isn't strong. It can also feel like an insult to the motion. And straight up calling your opponent irrational/overly emotional in response is classless and can even have your score deducted (which is why I mentioned manners as a criteria). So, you really need to be careful with how you respond to that.

Which brings us to the matter of Phainon calling the Council of Elders “vermin”.

I will not lie, it was incredibly satisfying. But that satisfaction of mine lasted for one glorious second before I became worried. It was the biggest gamble of the entire ordeal. As we later learn in Aglaea's letter to Phainon in 3.3 that a similar call-out gravelly weakened people's faith in Aglaea during the first debate.

The difference is that Aglaea, quite understandably weary from their schemes after all these years, did so in the heat of the moment. While Phainon purposefully used that word and then proceeded to lay out exactly why those people are deserving of being called vermin.

There is a hope placed behind this approach ; even if it upsets a large group of people, it'll leave an impression. And from that impression, people will subconsciously start to think. They'll compare Phainon's argument with their own experiences and from there on, the chances of them voting for the Flame Chase will increase slightly.

The greatest challenge of that arena was the fact that Phainon had to deal with a huge crowd. Making sure they're listening to you is one thing (which he did splendidly by the way) but, getting them to think, in the heat of the collective influence? That is infinitely more difficult. Which is why I concur with Anaxa, using this tactic for this situation, was indeed a prudent move.

There is another important development in Phainon's character that blossoms through this debate. The quality of Phainon that Aglaea has always complimented him on is his ability to sincerely connect with everyone in a way that she can't. However, this was also the quality that he'd struggled to wield.

See, Phainon doesn't really trust himself. And his lack of trust in himself unknowingly contributes to his doubt in others. Why? Because when you can't trust yourself, you'll constantly second guess your choices and your potential. You won't be able to believe it even if the people you look up to compliment you. As such, you won't be sure about your decision to lend your trust to someone.

Which is why, there is so much emphasis on Phainon vocalizing ‘unshakable faith’, and resolutely trusting his comrades and the people of Amphoreus in 3.3 instead of him gaining new powers or something.

That quality is what makes him worthy of World-bearing, separates him from other heroes and brings him closer to the image of Deliverer envisioned by everyone. We see glimpses of him starting to understand this during the debate.

First of all, the beginning. “As you (citizens of Okhema) look upon me, so too do I see you.”

This is an excellent opening. The words used are simple, echo easily and do not clash with each other. They include the audience, acknowledge their attention and establish a primary connection between the speaker and the audience all in one sentence.

Then, he stops people from thinking about the fate of the world and implores them to really think about the gravity of their situation. But he doesn't just explain why the Black Tide is dangerous, no no. He talks about his own, personal experience with the Black Tide, baring his heart, for the very first time in front of so many people.

The strongest connections are forged in shared vulnerability. Even if people can't empathize or offer sympathy for him, they'll still be reminded of their own experiences, or perhaps the experience of someone they know. Strengthening the primary connection.

When a citizen objects to this by asking why Okhema still remains peaceful, it's as if Phainon had been expecting that question. He uses it to not only defend Aglaea but to also present the corruption within Okhema and to drop that bomb.

It should be mentioned that Phainon does not include mind blowing new information in his speech, he only reiterates the truth that most citizens had forgotten in a concise manner.

And he closes his speech with great humility. It's obvious that Phainon really thought it through and had a mental roadmap of his speech (since we can clearly divide it into sections) but, I don't know why, perhaps it's the voice acting on this section, I felt like the ending was improvised by him.

As in, you get this feeling that he finally understood what exactly his role was within the debate and changed his closing to that of a promise at the nick of time. Not to mention the roundabout way Phainon asks Anaxa this question before he steps onto the stage, “Is Aglaea making the right decision by entrusting the fate of the world to me?”

To which Anaxa answers, “Flip your perspective and ask yourself this instead: What should I do to ensure that the world doesn't stray from the correct path?”

And Phainon does figure out what he should do, which isn't wrestling with words to gain votes by the way. It's having the backbone to trust the people he'll lead. And I think you can feel this shift in thinking within the speech itself.

The tonal shifts throughout the speech is perfect as well. He starts slow, lets people adjust to his voice and until that citizen poses that question, maintains an empathetic tone. He goes from reminiscent to distraught when mentioning his past but does not break into tears. The frustration and the disdain when he talks about the Council of Elders isn't out of control, even if it may seem like he was momentarily swept up in those emotions. As he was able to circle back to the tone he used in the beginning to close his argument.

But of course, this doesn't work like magic against all of those people, as the number of votes received by both sides were equal until Anaxa broke the impasse — which I think is very realistic. Had Phainon not taken the risk, the Flame Chase would've most likely seen a shameful defeat.

This whole performance was incredibly difficult to execute for Phainon, not only due to the dire circumstances but also because I suspect that this isn't his usual style. We have some crumbs about how Phainon performs in academic debates from memory fragments.

As you can see, he's very quick to catch loopholes and traps, he's also not reckless and does not hesitate to play it safe if he has to.

But in the debate against the Council of Elders, he had to be reckless and he couldn't play it safe. He was out of his comfort zone in more ways than one and yet, he managed to perform excellently. This showcases the versatility of Phainon's character that was only mentioned by a select few thus far.

In conclusion, Phainon is an excellent debater, orator and public speaker precisely because of this flexibility of his.

Honestly, we must applaud the writing team, translation team and the voice of Phainon (I've only listened to the English voice-over so I'm unsure if all these subtleties are still observable in other languages) for bringing this scene to life. Especially with such limited movement and facial expressions. Even I didn't know there was so much to talk about until I began writing this.

[phneltwrites]

AO3 Stats & Notifications

One (1) person said this would be interesting so here's a post about what AO3 authors can see about their works and what they get notified for.

What authors get notified for:

comment on a fic

EDIT on a comment (some of u edit like 16 times and it is very sweet. I get an email every time)

Response to a comment

Request to join a collection (note: don't do this. collection owners have a lot of power over fic and should only be used for specific reasons and not to create a collection of fic you enjoy. that's what bookmark collections are for)

Gift

Related work notification

Daily kudos email. The daily kudos email shows all the kudos of the previous day in an order that makes sense to the ao3 database and not to human eyes.

The only bit of this that is clickable is the title of the fic. I can click into the profile of a nice user if I navigate to the fic and then go to the bottom where the kudos are displayed.

Things authors do not get notified for:

subscription to a fic or author

ending a subscription

deleting a comment

creating a bookmark

a fic view (if you visit a fic twenty times, no one knows that but your isp and your browser history and you)

Now here's what authors can see about their fic under the cut because more screenshots

The first thing an author can see is something everyone can see, and that's who left a public bookmark

If you click on the number next to bookmarks you can see this. And each username is clickable to see the other things they have bookmarked or written (side note, this is the best way to find other fic to read)

The author can also see the note a reader leaves on a public bookmark.

Please note that authors don't get a notification for this and I don't look at them (screenshot proving me a liar) so you aren't guaranteed to be seen by the author. If you like that last nice user want the author to know it stuck with them, you gotta leave a comment.

But there are also private bookmarks! And private bookmarks are, as the name sounds like, private. However. On the statistics page for each fic the author gets a little more information.

Here is the statistics page:

This can be selected to by year and the numbers will change EXCEPT user subscriptions. User subscriptions shows the current state of subscriptions. And since authors don't get a notification of number go up or down, they won't know when it's changed unless they are tracking it. Additionally there is no way to see who has subscribed. So you can subscribe to whoever you like or unsubscribe at any time and that is between you, the ao3 database, your ISP tracking your history, and your email client. But the author doesn't know. You are released from any social obligation to stay subscribed or any embarrassment you might have. Go forth.

See? Here is 2024 and it has the same number of users.

Also fun fact, the word count shows fic FINISHED in that year. I wrote a 90k fic that straddled 2024 and 2025 and the full word count for that is tracked on the 2025 page.

anyway back to info.

I can scroll down on this and get a bit more information on each fic.

Here I can see the number of people who have subscribed to a fic - but not who they are. I can also see the TOTAL NUMBER of bookmarks including private bookmarks.

Compare contrast:

The public listing shows 47 bookmarks, the statistics page listing shows 127. On average, most fics have about half of their bookmarks private.

I can't see who made those extra bookmarks, just that they exist.

Also on the statistics page the comments are shown as the number of threads instead of the total number. I always reply to comments so the thread count is a more accurate reflection of how many people left a comment.

So to sum up, what authors can see if they investigate:

username on a public bookmark and any note left

the total number of bookmarks

the total number of subscriptions to themselves right now

the number of subscriptions on a fic

hits

[rye-bread-soda-iceberg]

I saw some light discourse going around hsrtwt about Ratio being bad/good/morally ambiguous

I'm not gonna comment on that too much cause I wanna talk about smth else but clearly he's a good person, probably one of the nicest people we meet compared to the war criminals and murderers. his major crime is that he's blunt, mean and makes his students cry (which is something about him I don't particularly enjoy for personal reasons, but still)

what I like, something that i feel like people tend to forget, is that he's very openly kind and caring

of course there's the basic stuff, like the fact that he pours his whole heart into making the universe a better place, has eradicated a whole illness called 'the king of illnesses' (so, supposedly, very deadly) and the entire not getting into the genius society because he cares about humanity too much. but also, you know

first of all, he has canonically made various statues depicting himself making a heart with his hands while smiling warmly. I've always found it endearing how he mildly prides himself on 'keeping the world at bay' and just being generally mean while also doing this so casually. I mean, it's a clear message: 'I love you' that's what he's saying, and he's saying it in a silly way

something a bit more hidden is these quotes from hoyolab's post. we all know the 'ignorance is an ailment' quote is directly taken from his character stories, making it canon. that subsequently makes the other two just as canon. obviously it's an official post, but I sometimes see people doubting the validity of these silly little snippets into the hsr universe

I don't particularly know if he is saying those last two quotes in general or to someone/a group of people in particular, but it's like... one of the sweetest (and corniest) things ever, and it makes me giggle a little bit. it almost felt out of character to me the first time I've seen these, but if you think about it, it's always been there

this one is from the valentines day ""event"" on twitter from earlier this year. I like his reaction to the gift for he still has some of his usual, you know, 'I cannot bear to hear such foolish questions'. he's being nice in his own way here, his demeanor is just barely reserved but the sentiment behind his words remains a positive one

another quick thing, though I don't have more examples for this one. he's always going on about how you should always consider whether the question you're about to ask already has an answer (so encouraging you to think for yourself) but he's still Always offering to help. in this and, if I remember correctly, in the mail description you get when you used to receive him for free he's making it clear that he's willing to help you discuss things for you to understand them better and will answer any question as long as it's not a 'stupid' one. he is a teacher, after all. the biggest thing about him is that he wants people to do better. other than this, despite his slight reluctance to help others himself, he does say in his character trailer that sometimes a little encouragement is required

and he does encourage people openly when they do good! no 'I suppose this is acceptable' nor 'I guess you did good'. when someone or something impresses him, he genuinely expresses it. I like to point this out because I see so many people say he's self absorbed or puts himself above others, when that is simply not true. which, I mean, can also be seen in his small little interactions with Herta, Ruan Mei and Screwllum (he literally praises them)

then he also says this a couple times. I don't exactly know what he considers courtesy or discourtesy, but it's clear that at least not all his blunt or mean words are meant to offend. this is something I'd love to look further into, but for now simply want to put here with the rest cause it's an interesting thing about him. he is already described as elegant, which implies a certain level of basic courtesy and politeness when interacting with others, though this just slightly crashes with his 'rude' demeanor

supposedly, you could make the argument that while he canonically realizes how non-endearing he can be (knows his own shortcomings, one of the exact traits he praises) perhaps he actively struggles with coming off as nice. and seeing all I've pointed out so far, maybe all those instances of him being nice are how he'd prefer to come off as (some times). that is unless I missed some bits of canon dialogue where it's implied otherwise

this isn't that detailed or well made of a post, nor the first time someone has pointed out this stuff. in fact I reblogged an incredibly good, lengthy post some time ago that talks more in depth about how nice/kind of a person Veritas Ratio really is

I simply cannot stand when he is described as cold, uncaring, selfish, self-centered or someone incapable of being gentle and loving. and it's not nearly as subtle as people seem to think it is

[ilovegreengrapes127]

Broken Promises

tw: smut

pairing: Mark x f!reader

word count: 1.2k

content: After Mark left for Korea you guys kept in contact for about a year until life as an idol got hectic and he ghosted you. He never fully left your head though. One day after your friends invited you for a good time you and Mark meet again and things get intense.

A/N: My first ever post, I’m not an amazing writer but this is more just for fun. Also the timeline is completely messed up if we compare it to Marks actual training time and debut time so just ignore that for the sake of the story :)

Thinking back on it now you realize that Marks words were full of empty promises, “distance won’t make me forget you”. Now it’s 10 years later and you haven’t heard from Mark in nine of those 10 long years. Despite still being a bit hung up on Mark’s words you’re not going to just wait for him to come back to you. You’re now stuck in Canada working at a job you don’t even like. You just can’t catch a break, everything you do your boss says isn’t good enough. The stress slowly crushing you.

Your best friend’s have been begging you to just take a break and come enjoy yourself at one of the many functions they go to. This time though you find yourself being dragged to a concert. Apparently one of the girls is friends with someone who works at the venue and was able to get you guys front row ticket’s. “If you’re going to drag me somewhere I don’t even want to be at least tell me who the artist is?” You plead to her, “fine, but you can’t get mad nor can you back out, the K-pop group your friend is in, Nct Dream or something?” You don’t say a word. What the fuck. I mean you could be mad at her but right now you’re more concerned with the fact that this is your first time seeing Mark in nine whole years. At this point all you want is closure.

You put on a silky red dress, not super dressed on theme but it doesn’t matter to you. Once you guys park the car at the stadium you realize how big it is, “wow he really made it”. As you sit down in your seats you know Mark wont be able to ignore you or pretend he doesn’t notice its you. Maybe you and Mark were never romantically involved but you can’t deny that there were feelings there. He left for Korea when you both were only 15. It was only a year later Mark got too busy and your phone went dry. You refused to let yourself look him up or dwell on him any longer after he practically ghosted you. The last time you saw Mark he had soft features and was only a teenager preparing to go to Korea by himself.

After the opening song all of the members engage with the crowd and scan the rows of people. Mark catches eyes with you, at first he looks away. He looks back doing a double take. As much as you want to hate mark for just ghosting you after years of friendship you can’t deny their music is good. The entire time Mark relatively stays away from your section. “What a pussy,” you mumble to your friends. Once the concert ends and everyone is walking out of the stadium you feel someone tap your shoulder. It’s a staff member. “Ma’am can you come with me please.” Reluctantly you follow the man. You’re led back stage and into the dressing room where you find Mark standing alone tapping his foot. The staff member leaves and now it’s just you and Mark.

“Y/N, it’s been so long” he says with a smirk across his porcelain face. “Yeah nine long years of pure radio silence from you” you’re not smiling the way he is. “I’m sorry okay, life gets busy” he says as he lets out a long sigh. “Too busy to send one whole text for almost a decade Mark? Yeah alright, whatever you say” you look him up and down, god he’s gotten tall and lost the softness to his features but not completely. “I don’t know what else to tell you, there is no other excuse for not contacting you” looking down at his feet, still the shy boy you used to giggle with during class. “Before I leave there is one thing I want to know,” he hums in response, “Did you ever like me like I liked you? You had to have known I had a crush on you”. He nods, “I felt the same and still feel the same” he takes a couple steps closer to you. “Me too” you whisper quietly stepping face to face with him. He leans in to kiss you and you don’t pull away enjoying the tenderness of his lips. Melting into his touch his tongue dominates your own. He pulls away lifting you up and setting you on the couch, the sensation of his lips lingering on yours.

He gets on his knees pulling you to the edge of the couch, “Is this okay?” You nod in return. He pulls your panties off leaving them on the floor. He slowly plants gentle kisses across your inner thighs traveling closer to your heat. He flicks your clit with his tongue and moves down to your entrance lapping at your wetness, his nose bumping your clit. You whine and squirm, his hands reach up to hold you in place. His tongue moving in and out of you, he moves up to suck on your clit and you let out a moan clasping your hand around your mouth. He pulls away and inserts one finger into you, he pulls your hand away from you mouth and kisses you. With your lips still attached he inserts a second finger stretching you out, you moan into his mouth and he lets out a small laugh.

He continues to pump his fingers in and out of you. “Markie i’m close” you whine. He pumps his fingers in and out of you faster now, before you know it you’re tightening around his fingers and moaning his name. He kisses your forhead and unbuckles his belt and pulls down his boxers. You move your dress up to your stomach. He positions his tip at your entrance and slowly slides in. You hiss at the sting and stretch. “You okay?” he asks, you nod. He begins slowly thrusting in and out of you. he groans, “so tight”. You bring your hands up to pull him in for another kiss interlocking lips. He speeds up making you moan loudly into his mouth. The kiss getting sloppy and messy, but still passionate. You break the kiss “I’m getting closer”. You whine as he starts stimulating your clit as well. All of it almost too much but it feels too good to stop. “I’ve got you baby” he says as you tighten around him and cream all over his cock. “So good” you moan as he chases his high. Once he’s close he pulls out and finishes on your stomach.

He pulls you on top of him and holds you. “I love you” he whispers. “I love you too” you say looking up at him planting kisses along his jawline. “Promise this isn’t the last time i’ll see you? I missed you so much Mark”. He holds out his pinky, you intertwine it with yours “Promise” he says. “Will this be another broken one?” you ask giggling. He smiles “No”.

[infiniteglitterfall]

friggin faux-Palestinian history, istg

I'm in the middle of writing a post about the difficulties of pinning down details and dates in Palestinian history. This one is just me stopping to vent for a sec.

I came across the Wikipedia page for GUPS, the General Union of Palestinian Students. This is an organization with groups at colleges all over the world. Ish. It's shrunk over the decades.

The page made a bold claim: that GUPS was officially founded in Cairo in 1959, but had really started in the 1920s.

I called bullshit. The only source cited was a dead link to the 2010 version of the SFSU GUPS page, which said the same thing -- no context, no source, and especially, no explanation of how Palestinian student organizing could have started before there were colleges or universities in Palestine.

There were two. They were tiny. And they both taught in Hebrew.

Certainly, there could have been Arab Palestinian students there, who learned Hebrew there, or already knew it.

But were there so many that they started a student group that apparently lasted 35+ years before getting a name??

I could not find one other source for this.

So I deleted it and called bullshit.

Within a day, someone who wasn't even logged in reverted my edit. They told me that I hadn't proven that it was wrong, I'd just said it was illogical.

I started looking up sources and putting together a more detailed edit. In the meantime, I started a topic on the totally empty talk page, politely calling bullshit.

I said that I hadn't been able to find any sources in English OR Arabic that confirmed this claim, and that I thought it was an error made on a dead page.

The same person, now logged in, replied:

"you still haven't refuted the claim. the claim is still on their web page."

BRUH.

IT'S AN ARCHIVE OF A DEAD PAGE. BY DEFINITION, IT DOESN'T CHANGE.

This is exactly how it feels to research any of this stuff.

Every single time, it turns out that people's unsourced online bullshit is absolutely wrong.

Every single time, people just respond by insisting on believing whatever claim some rando made on the internet.

The problem is not that Palestinian history doesn't exist, hasn't been written down, or hasn't been researched. Of fucking course it has!!

(I have literally seen people claiming the contrary in the most wild-ass fucking ways. Supposedly-pro-Palestinian people, acting like Palestinians are wooby powerless fuzzy babbies whose books were all stolen by the cruel Jews 80 years ago, who had no way to replace that historic knowledge, and who have just been standing around ever since. It is the most Western Paternalism shit ever, and it absolutely drives me up the wall.)

The problem is that this is a topic that a lot of people are passionate about. And unfortunately, a whole lot of people are unwilling to back down on literally anything that "feels" pro-Palestinian to them, whether it's true or not.

It's purely going on Vibes, but the Vibes themselves are based on how something compares to the Vibes they get from social media and stuff.

And those vibes are so extreme and vehement that any kind of pushback sounds like You Love Genocide And Kill Babies For Fun.

It's just a fucking vicious spiral.

It's like playing tennis against the tennis-ball-throwing machine. It's not a real game. Nobody is engaging with you. It's just the same shit over and over.

(I was trying to type "shot." But apparently I swear so much that instead of autocorrecting me to "ducking hell," my phone now INSISTS I meant to cuss.)

I ended up getting Google to give me the Arabic for GUPS, and then digging for sources about its actual origin.

It turns out Yasser Arafat formed the Palestinian Students League in Cairo in 1949, and that became GUPS in 1956. This is entirely fucking unsurprising in any way if you know anything at all about actual Palestinian history. Of fucking course he did. This also explains why the first search result I found about GUPS was from the PLO. Of fucking course it was.

[memoirofasparklemuff1n]

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER | PART 3

AN OBX SMAU & IRL

synopsis: the summer after graduating highschool was the dream. after years of tedious hours at school and of nonsensical drama, you are finally an adult, but most importantly? free. or so you thought. after a tragic incident the night of midsummers, the four of you decided to never, ever speak of it again. everything was going to be okay because only those present that night knew the truth, right?

pairing: exbf!jj x kook!reader; rafe x kook!reader

cw: guys, it’s a slasher story so gore & angst (troubled family relationships, violence, breakups, etc.) comes without saying. if you’re not comfortable with that then don’t read, i totally understand.

a/n: I KNOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE AN SMAU but i might've gotten a little carried away with the written parts 🧍🏻‍♀️ THIS ONE IS LONG (6.3 k words...) DEAR GOD I AM SORRY

also english isn't my first language and i didn't proofread, but maybe later. i just want to post this lol

ANYWAYYYY i hope you guys appreciate my handwriting; i had originally done it on my ipad but i thought a notebook would make it feel more real🫥 i don't know why writing that was so embarassing, i need to chill tf out.

oh, and there's an extra at the end hehehe

i hope you guys like this one, i had so much fun <333

*ps this one starts immediately after part 2 sooo yeah

poor girl can't catch a break

friday, may 23, 2025

you stared at your ceiling as you lay on the floor with your cheeks tight from your previous crying session.

more like a mental breakdown but ok. whatever makes you sleep at night.

you didn’t know whether to say something to sarah about the messages or if it was best to keep them to yourself. part of you couldn’t believe that they were only targeted to you because why would they? if whoever was sending those messages knew of your involvement, they were bound to know about the other three. unless it was one of them but why?

you sat up abruptly and crawled to your desk, finding an old notebook. scribbling down everything you could in a rush as if everything would vanish the moment you took a break.

so that was fruitful, you thought as you looked at your "insightful" notes.

you took a picture just in case, because knowing you, it could very possibly disappear from sight.

you ponder at the possibility of it being one of the them. topper being the one doesn’t make much sense, sarah, well.

ugh. she did seem happy when you saw her, compared to how you were.

is that a crime now? jesus, get a grip.

besides, it wouldn’t make much sense if she were to act like you in front of her family, especially her dad. for one, ward was a wonderful father, to her anyway. his favoritism towards sarah was not exactly a secret. he did treat wheezie kindly but rafe on the other hand… yeah, that reminded you too much of your own parents. poor guy was the oldest but seemed more like the middle child. you frowned to yourself.

why the fuck am i thinking about them? oh, right.

you dispelled any thoughts of the camerons and racked your brain for any suspects but there was one you couldn’t bring yourself to think about. writing his name on your list had been painful enough.

so that left zero suspects. well, one suspect, if you counted the security guard but something about him being the one seemed too easy.

sure, topper was an asshole, but you didn’t believe he would be capable of harassing you, especially when you hadn’t seen nor talked to one another since that night. if anything, it would have begun shortly after, not a year later. sarah, seeming unbothered came to mind once again, but that was just how she was, her way of coping was by pretending everything was fine and that her life couldn’t be more perfect.

you remember when you learned that rose wasn’t her mother; you would never have thought her mother was gone if it were by the way she acted. the first time you had been to her house, you had seen a picture of a beautiful blonde woman on her nightstand, and, for a moment, you thought it was an aunt or another family member, but you were shocked when she told you it was her mother. that was the first time you had seen her so incredibly distressed, and you realized that her whole regina george persona was nothing but that. yeah, sarah cameron was a lot of things but being cruel – to you, at least – wasn’t one of them. why would she do that anyway? it wasn’t like it had been something you had done alone, the four of you were just as guilty. with a sigh, you lay back on the floor, holding the notebook to your chest.

great.

back to square one.

nice job, nancy drew.

after racking your brain for what seemed like an eternity you decided to just give up and go downstairs to spend some time with your parents. you mentally prepared for what would surely be a tense evening and decided to just get it over with, but not without a final read to the article you had received.

a name now stood out as you read the redfield piece written by none other than pope heyward. smiling softly to yourself, you realized that if there was anybody you wished you hadn’t left behind it was pope. he had always been a good friend to you, even when you’d fallen out with kiara. but it wasn’t his or her name that jumped out, but your ex-boyfriend’s. jj maybank. if there was something you would never have expected it was for him to be protesting, especially when the owner of the project’s son was a close friend to him. as far as you know, at least.

you remembered when you and he first got together, everyone in figure 8 was not so secretly against the relationship – especially your parents – sarah became a buffer between you and everybody else. after all, she was the kook princess and what she said was okay, well, everyone else be damned. nobody wanted to get on her bad side, so, naturally, topper had – reluctantly – come to terms with the pogue.

rafe, on the other hand, had been a bit harder to win over, especially when he wanted to be against anything his sister was involved in, no matter how small of an influence she’d had. he came around eventually though, especially when jj saved his ass regarding a coke deal that could’ve made him end up either severely injured, in jail or both.

so, seeing jj speaking against the redfield project struck you a bit as odd, but then again, he had been diplomatic with his answer. although you knew that if it came between kiara and the camerons, kiara would always come first. it didn’t matter how important you were in his life, when it came to her, pope, or john b, it was best to step aside or risk getting burned. you’d learned that the hard way.

you’re the love of my life.

you shook your head to dispel the memory of his words before clicking out of the article and throwing your phone on the bed. you didn’t need another reason to have a meltdown when it was barely your first day back.

you stayed on the floor for another ten minutes before getting up and taking a shower because those always made you feel better. afterwards, you put on the comfiest clothes you can find and to, once again, mentally prepare yourself for dinner with your family.

the hallway was cool from the air conditioning, a stark contrast from the sweltering heat of the outer banks. the staircase was located right in front of the entrance, like any other fancy house in a movie, the dining room to the left of the stairs. to your surprise the table was bare, the room void of any human presence aside from yours. you frowned at the sight, making your way into the kitchen, only to find it empty as well. the clock on the far wall was set at 6:00 pm. dinner time.

so why on earth was there no food getting prepared or anybody at the table?

something was off, clearly, but you concluded that maybe your mother had said something you hadn’t understood. or tuned out.

 “there isn’t a chef anymore.”

you yelped at the voice behind you, turning to see your mother with a burgundy robe and a glass of red wine in her right hand.

your heart sank at the sight but decided it was best not to comment on it.

“since when?” your voice came out with a crack, like that of an unsure child, making you to grimace internally.

“since august.” your mother made her way closer to you before sitting down on the service table.

“your father eats at work most days and i figured that because it was just me then i might as well save us the money.” her eyes avoided your gaze, and you knew she was hiding something.

jesus, get a grip. not everyone has a secret.

horror flooded you as you realized that you were beginning to sound like your mother. although maybe it was entirely unwarranted because she was never one to be money conscious, particularly when it came to the one being used for herself.

“are we in financial trouble?” your words came out before you could stop them, causing your mother to turn to you sharply.

“no. i just found it unnecessary.” she turned her attention to her glass of wine, avoiding your piercing gaze.

alright. i am my mother’s daughter and despite hating every time she accused me of hiding something she was always right. not that i would tell her that.

so, you knew she was, indeed, hiding something but you decided not to push it. after all, you had the whole summer to antagonize her, you could let her be for one evening. and yourself by default.

therefore, you simply hummed as if in understanding before turning towards the fridge and came up with absolutely nothing to eat. not because you didn’t like anything or were overwhelmed with the infinite number of choices but because there were none.

yup. no food, just an empty fridge.

ok, so maybe a peaceful evening was off the menu.

you turned to your mother with a bewildered expression, “why is the refrigerator empty? something is clearly going on.”

your tone had absolutely no effect on her, which was even more perplexing. normally, she would’ve begun scolding you for being rude or some shit but no. she simply sat there staring at her glass of wine.

oh, this is bad.

pulling the few feelings of affection you held towards your birth giver, you sat down by her side.

“mom. what is going on?” now that you were close enough to touch, you could see her eyes were red rimmed and puffy, her mouth turned down in a frown.

that explained the sunglasses this morning and her overly pushy attitude the last few days. you realized that you hadn’t seen any of your father’s belongings when you had arrived and the coldness that went beyond air conditioning now made more sense. he was gone.

her eyes were trained on you, seeing your whole thought process take place. she nodded, resigned, before tilting her head back, downing the remnants of her drink.

you were unsure what to say, especially when it came to your parents’ relationship. the thing was, they had never been overly affectionate in front of you, but you figured they loved each other. in their own way, at least. they seemed more like best friends than lovers your whole life, every aspect of romance had come from books and cinema, so you never knew what love was supposed to look like in reality. your relationship was hardly the best example of one.

and now you were starting to wonder if love was even real.

you had never been good with words, at least when it came to something pertaining to you, hence why you simply pulled your mother into a hug that felt forced but was the best you could do in the current situation.

she stiffened but relaxed and held your arm in an awkward hug.

“i’m so sorry, mom. im just confused. you don’t have to tell me what happened now, but i am here if you want to talk,” you surprised yourself with the warm caring but mostly understanding tone.

the irony of your current situation made you clench your jaw. your heart suddenly filled with bitterness when you remembered the way your parents, particularly your mother, had scolded you for being sad over your breakup with jj.

especially when she should’ve shown you a little support over your situation, and yet here you were. consoling her when she would never do the same for you.

yes, but this is different. they were married for years and they’re your parents.

“thank you, darling.” she pulls away and gestures for you to sit again. she wipes her tears with a manicured hand before clasping them before her in a serious manner.

“things are going to be different around here from now on. your father requested you to visit him at ocean manor as soon as you can. despite our problems as a married couple, i still hope that you have a good relationship with him and me. i know that i am not an easy mother, but i only want what is best for you and because of that i am setting some ground rules for this summer.

“first, i need you to have dinner with me at least once a week, we can choose the day later. second, if you are going to sleep over at one of your friends’ houses, i need to know who it is, and you must come home in the morning or at least let me know that you are alright either through a phone call or text message. and third, you will apply for a job, whichever one you choose but i do not want you to lay around as if this were a hotel. you are an adult and as such i expect you to behave like one in this household. apart from those rules, you are free to do as you please. any questions?”

you blinked at your mother, taken aback. your mother had never set rules for you, not even in high school, not even when you were dating a pogue. her requests weren’t unreasonable, but you felt like a child, which completely contradicted her final statements.

you’d never worked a day in your life so that was the most shocking of all, but you decided that maybe it was best. that way you would have your own money for school and to spend this summer. not that you would be hanging out much. you wanted nothing more than to hole up in your room and only come out when necessary. but now that you thought about it, being in the same house as your mother the entire summer would be excruciating, especially now that she had no one to control.

so, you found yourself shaking your head, “no questions.”

her expression flickered to one of surprise, but she then dissimulated it with a tight smile.

“perfect. we will decide on our dinner days as soon as you get your work schedule. that way we can organize ourselves better.”

you nodded, “fine by me. anyway, are you hungry? i was thinking of ordering food, and i could stop by the grocery store tomorrow?”

she looked up at you, “i ate earlier so don’t worry about me. and as for our groceries i will call heyward in the morning so he can bring them.”

pope. your heart skipped a beat at the thought of him bringing your groceries. as far as you knew, he was still the one that made the deliveries. you missed your friend and the thought of seeing him brought you joy but also made you uneasy. would he even be happy to see you or would he ignore you? or worse. what if he hated you for how things ended with his friends?

“is everything alright?” your mothers voice interrupting your train of thought.

you focused on her again and nodded, “yeah, i’m fine. just hungry and tired from the trip.”

she made a sound in understanding before getting up and kissing your forehead, wishing you goodnight.

you sat in the kitchen for what seemed like hours, and you decided that it was too late to order food plus your stomach was still a bit upset, so you made your way up the stairs.

finding your phone on the bed, you decide to just shut it off and deal with it in the morning. after showering and doing your nighttime routine, you went to bed early and leave this complicated day behind.

saturday, may 24, 2025

once you heard the honk ten minutes after sarah’s message you hurried down the stairs to avoid your mother and any questions she might have.

after locking the door quietly behind you, you turn to see a pastel blue mini cooper in the driveway. you couldn’t hold back your smile when you saw it. you ran to the passenger side of the car and once you were inside, you were hit with that new car scent and a hint of tropical fruits in the air.

sarah had a huge grin on her face and wrapped her arms around you, squeezing you so hard that you could barely breathe. you didn’t mind, though. it felt as if every broken part of you was pieced together by her sheer force and for a moment you felt whole.

she let go and kissed your cheek before wiping her eyes. you frowned when you realized she was crying, “hey, what is it? what happened?”

she let out a choked laugh before shaking her head, “i’m just so happy to see your smile again. i didn’t think you would ever smile again after last summer.” your vision got blurry and soon both of you were two crying messes hugging and trying to say words you knew could never express the amount of pain in your hearts.

after calming down a little, sarah looked down at her hands. “i know we already talked about this, but i wanted to say again that i am truly sorry for everything. i wish things were different but we both know that’s not how it works.”

you sighed, “sar, i know, ok? we all made mistakes, and i wasn’t exactly great last summer, and i was a horrible friend. but i also know that we are as close as sisters and sisters have fights and they hurt each other but at the end of the day, they know that they can count on one another.”

sarah chuckled, her sobs now merely hiccups. “remember when my dad locked us in a room so we could talk it out? i don’t even remember what the fight was about, but from that day on i knew that i could never be someone else’s best friend.”

you laughed at the vague memory, “yeah, i remember we made a plan to fool him into believing we were fine so he would let us go, but we ended up believing it ourselves.”

a mischievous expression colored sarahs face, “i have a confession to make. i am still pretending to be ok with you.”

you snort out a laugh, “ward wont be very happy to hear that.”

she shook her head, “he’ll say we betrayed his trust or something.”

you pretended to be frightened, “what if he locks us up again?”

she matched your expression and added trembling hands as she held your wrists, “he will kill us and he’ll then turn us into wax figures to exhibit it when people enter his office.”

you couldn’t contain your laughter anymore, “sarah, stop. i could totally see him doing that, though.”

she nodded seriously, “oh, definitely. guess we’ll have to keep up the farce in order to save our lives.”

you shrugged and sighed with resignation, “unfortunately.”

“hey!”

you chuckled and reached for her hand. “sar, i’m so glad we can be friends again. ive missed you terribly. this past year has been an absolute hell for me.”

her brows furrowed with concern, “im glad too, and youre not the only one that’s had a shitty year. although these past couple of months haven’t been so bad. ok, but we’ll talk about it at brunch because if not we’ll be here the entire day.”

she pressed her foot on the accelerator and the car jolted forward smoothly.

“by the way, when did you get this car? i know its been your dream car for years.” it couldn’t be older than a year because you hadn’t seen it before.

“i got it about five months ago. my dad bought it for me and rafe got so pissed because he’s been wanting a bike since forever and dad kept saying he would buy it for him but, you know.” she shrugged, doing nothing to hide the smugness in her voice.

you chuckled, “when is rafe going to learn you’re the favorite?”

she snorted, “the day i learn how to fly.”

the island club’s parking lot wasn’t full but not exactly empty either. too late for breakfast but too early for lunch so those that were still inside were probably just talking as if they could solve the world with a flick of their hand.

as soon as sarah was parked, you both got out with your sunglasses on and you saw a few people glance your way, realizing who you were.

oh, you could already hear the gossip: she’s back! and it looks like college life has not treated her too well. the kook princesses together again.

you rolled your eyes at the thought, and despite how cringe those words sounded, they weren’t even close to how they spoke in real life.

i mean, c’mon. who comes up with the terms kooks and pogues? fucking weirdos.

“you okay?” sarah’s concerned voice brought you out of your thoughts.

you managed a smile, “yeah, i’m just thinking how the gossip is already spreading.”

she rolled her eyes, “trust me, nothing beats what they’re saying about me.”

confused you asked, “what do you mean?”

she laughed awkwardly before going up to the host, a young man that seemed a little younger than you but not by much.

after he took you to your table you repeated your earlier question. sarah just told you to wait for the food because she didn’t want to be interrupted by a server but you had a feeling, she was building suspense to make you anxious.

trying to distract yourself you look around the club, seeing few familiar faces and a new one behind the bar cleaning up.

the girl put on an apron, took a small notebook before making her way to you. she grinned when she saw sarah, her cheeks adorned with dimples and you swore that was the brightest smile you had ever seen. once she was up close, you realized she was pretty.

and not pretty in like a cute way, but absolutely gorgeous and you couldn’t help but get a little self-conscious around such a pretty girl.

a part of you wanted to hate on her but it wasn’t her fault and besides, that was ridiculous and childish. her beauty didn’t take away from yours.

“hi, sarah!” she hugged sarah and then turned to you. “hello, i’m sofia. nice to meet you.”

you shook her extended hand with a polite smile before introducing yourself. her eyes widened a bit, but she quickly recovered, causing you to internally groan.

“well, i will be your server today. here are the menus, i will come back and see if you’re ready to order.” sofia left once you nodded, her short hair flowing with her.

you turned to sarah, “i’ve never seen her before. is she new to kildare?”

“no, she grew up on the cut. she’s rafe’s age so that’s probably why we never saw her. im surprised she’s our server because she’s the bartender here,” sarah shrugged while eyeing the menu. “maybe they’re short staffed today or she needs the money.”

you hummed but dropped the subject. after choosing something you liked from the menu, sofia came by again and was especially sweet to you which struck you as odd. it felt almost like… pity.

but why? she didn’t know the first thing about you, apart from being sarah’s friend, right? you clenched your jaw at the thought of people talking behind your back. no matter how usual it was for people to gossip, you never got used to it.

“do you mind if i post a pic for instagram?” sarah’s question interrupted your train of thought.

you sighed, uncomfortable but you knew that maybe if people saw you were eating together then the rumors would die down. so you nodded and posed.

“i deactivated my account so i don’t think it will come up if you try to tag me.”

she pouted, “oh cmon then activate it again! i want to tag you. pleaseeee.”

you threw your head back with a groan but agreed reluctance. it was best to just get it over with.

“fine. but don’t expect me to be super active, ok?”

she nodded excitedly and waited until you logged back in to tag you.

“can you post me too?” her grin could practically blinded you, and even though you didn’t want to, you decided to just humor her.

“fine, princess.”

“hey! but thanks, hehe,” she giggled while squeezing your hand.

a couple of minutes after sarah posted her story, her phone began buzzing but she looked at her phone with a frown before typing away quickly. when you asked what was wrong, she said it was her dad before getting up to go somewhere private.

huh. that’s weird. what if–

“y/n?” your body tensed at the sound of the voice behind you. you shut your eyes as if you could will them away from you but you knew it wouldn’t. a hand landed on your shoulder, and you jerked away before turning to them.

topper. he looked older and almost wore down.

“mind if i sit down?” he didn’t wait for an answer before lowering himself to sarah’s seat.

you stayed silent while he scrutinized your appearance.

“you don’t look so good,” his smile was bitter. “feels nice to know that someone feels the same.”

your gaze was unwavering, voice cold but every nerve in your body was screaming at you to run. “did you come here to berate me or–”

“topper!” a deep booming voice interrupted you, a tall, broad-shouldered man coming your way. the sun was shining behind him so you couldn’t quite make out who it was until he was right in front of you.

bright blue eyes flashed with recognition before a polite smile slid into place, “y/n, i didn’t know you were back. it’s nice to see you again.”

your smile was a bit tense from your encounter with topper, dropping it as soon as rafe looked away from you.

“top, grayson is outside waiting for us. you coming?” topper clenched his jaw before nodding with a sigh, getting up and turning away from you, but not without a hostile glance in your direction.

rafe rolled his eyes before saying goodbye, grabbing topper by the shoulder and steering him away from the table, towards the entrance that led to the golf course.

your gaze followed their figures, adrenaline pumping through your veins as you saw topper continue towards the golf course and rafe stop to hug sofia before kissing her cheek.

the screech of the chair across the table tore your eyes away from them, turning back to sarah who looked a little upset.

“is everything okay?” you asked.

she looked at you in silence, “yes. fine.”

you frowned in confusion at her clipped tone but decided not to push it. you wanted to bring up the weird text messages you had been receiving, yet something held you back.

distrust settled in your chest, followed by guilt.

maybe she is thinking the same thing about you.

after all, if she was also receiving those messages from around the time yours also began, she could think it had something to do with your return.

she ate in silence, contrasting how bubbly she had been earlier and that only confirmed your suspicions.

“topper came by when you left.”

sarah’s head jolted upwards before looking around as if he were standing behind her.

“what did he want?”

“what do you mean? aren’t you still together?” confusion colored your tone.

she laughed in disbelief, “god, no. i broke up with him last summer. he was starting to get really paranoid, and i couldn’t stand it anymore.”

“oh. i didn’t know.” you looked down at your plate, realizing you had barely eaten half of it but you knew that if you took one more bite it would come right back up.

“yeah, sorry. i’m with someone else now.” you lifted your gaze at that.

“yeah? with who?” you questioned, intrigued.

sarah took a deep breath, “john b.”

“what?!” you shrieked. a few of the other people eating at the club looked at you with annoyance but you couldn’t care less. sarah cameron was dating john b. routledge?!

WHAT THE FUCK???

out of all the people from kildare, the last person you expected her to date was john b. who was also a pogue.

she had given you so much shit for dating jj back in high school and now?

with an apologetic smile she said, “yeah. i know, but things are very different for me now.”

“no shit, sherlock.” you were pretty sure your mouth was hanging wide open so you tried your best to calm yourself down.

“wait, if you’re with john b., then that means you are friends with the rest of his group?” you were very careful to not mention his name but there was another one that also didn’t add up.

“kiara, you mean.” you were grateful she still knew you enough to not say his name out loud.

so you both pretended when you agreed.

“well, she wasn’t thrilled at first but, um, we sorted out our differences and she’s been a great friend to me this past year.” you knew that she was telling you the truth because the fondness for kiara in her voice could not be faked. a weird feeling caused your chest to ache.

“oh, well i am glad.” your attempt at sounding chill about it fell flat. your voice only came out strained and you were sure your poker face was gone.

you thought of how things went down when the three of you were friends. it all started about two months after you had begun school and had been partnered with kiara for the rest of the school year. on an otherwise normal tuesday, you had asked for permission to go to the bathroom–which was actually an excuse to just get out of class– and when you walked inside to check if there was something in your eye, a sob tore through the quiet bathroom. you turned around with worry and checked each one of the stalls until the last door didn’t budge. so you knocked and after minutes of convincing, the door opened.

sarah cameron. to any other person she would’ve looked normal and would’ve also fooled you with her calm expression, but her eyes were red-rimmed and, of course, you had heard her crying.

she wasn’t exactly rude to you at school, but she certainly didn’t go out of her way to make you feel included. honestly, she was indifferent towards your presence, or at least that was what you thought. it turned out that she knew your name and where you were from and that, of course, you were kiara’s friend.

when you’d asked her why she was crying, she said she was just having very bad period cramps and boy had you been there. luckily, she was also in your class period so you offered to give her pain killers once you were back and she had agreed.

obviously, it wasn’t like from that day on you were best friends but you saw each other and smile in the hallways and she would come up to you and say hi every once in a while, always leaving kiara with a confused expression.

about a month after the bathroom encounter, you stood by your locker, putting away your books, when kiara asked, “why are you so friendly with sarah cameron all of a sudden?”

you froze at the question but you were surprised she hadn’t brought it up sooner. “she’s nice and we talked in the bathroom once so i guess we decided to acknowledge one another.”

kiara frowned, “so? i’ve talked to people in the bathroom and i haven’t become besties with them.”

“she’s not my bestie, ok? we’re just classmates that don’t hate each other.”

your friend opened her mouth to respond but another voice beat her to it.

“hey, y/n. hi, kiara. i’m going to have a small get together at my place tonight if you guys want to come.” you hoped that she hadn’t listened to your conversation but something in her eyes told you she did.

you could see that kiara was going to tell her off but you held her back with a stern gaze before returning it back to sarah, “yeah, sure. we’d love to.”

sarah grinned, “cool. i’ll text you the details later. ciao.” she wiggled her fingers goodbye causing kiara to mock her farewell with a higher pitched voice.

“why did you tell her yes?” by the way she was looking at you, you would’ve thought you had killed her dog or something.

“because, she’s being nice to us. she even invited you. i mean we can go and check it out but if we decide that it’s boring then we get up and leave. no harm done.”

kie sighed, “fine. but that doesn’t mean im going to be all smiles and laughter around her.”

you chuckled and booped her nose,  “didn’t ask for anything else.”

so that night you had gone to sarah’s house only for kiara to call you to tell you that she had thrown up her dinner and felt like shit.

naturally, you turned around to leave because no matter how nice sarah was to you, the other kooks weren’t guaranteed to feel the same. once you were almost out tannyhill’s entrance, a girl called your name.

“hey, wait up! where are you going?” sarah had come running after you and was breathing fast when she stopped in front of you with a cautious smile.

“oh, it’s just that kiara is sick so i figured it wouldn’t be fun without her.”

“oh." hurt flickered through sarah’s features, immediately causing your heart to clench with guilt.

you quickly tried to think of something so you wouldn’t make her feel worse. “no, i mean i’m sure it will be fun but you’ll be with your friends, and i don’t want to make you feel obligated to stay with me the entire time.”

oh my god, shut up. you sound like a fucking pick me, jesus fucking christ.

she laughed, “don’t be ridiculous. if i invited you, it’s because we are friends. if you want to be, of course.”

no one had ever said expressed their desire for your friendship so candidly before, which took you by surprise. warmth filled your chest, thinking that she was actually a very nice girl, so you decided to just give her a chance.

you better not regret this.

you mentally shooed the kiara conscience voice away and took sarah’s hand when she offered, holding it all the way back to her house.

maybe that was the day everything went wrong. if you had just left, you wouldn’t have become friends with sarah and then you wouldn’t have gotten on that car the night of midsummers and you wouldn’t be a murderer.

your world began to shake and you suddenly became increasingly aware of your surroundings.

sarah was shaking you and calling your name out, yelling at someone to call a doctor or something. you tried to open your mouth but you couldn’t and the edges of your vision were becoming blurry but you somehow didn’t faint.

you heard someone giving out instructions on what to do with you, and the words panic attack were being thrown around.

aquamarine colored eyes locked with yours, willing you to take deep breaths. you slowly began to do what they said.

breathe in for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, do not breathe for 4 seconds.

eventually your heart beat settled down, and your vision became clearer, your hearing once again back to normal.

“are you ok?” the concerned tone in his voice almost made you cry. under any other circumstances you would’ve slapped yourself into oblivion for being so emotional. you heard a choked sound along with your body beginning to shake again before you realized it was you sobbing.

oh brother.

rafe’s arms wrapped around you as he shushed you, telling you that everything was okay and that you were okay and safe.

after what felt like an hour he let you go, only to be engulfed by another pair of arms, this time smaller and more delicate.

“i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry,” sarah’s guilt ridden voice sounded in your ear and you somehow became the one consoling her.

rafe noticed, “sarah c’mon. let her go, she’s fine but you shouldn’t push it.”

she apologized but let go.

“you should take her home,” someone said behind you but you were too far gone inside your own mind to recognize who it was.

next thing you know, you’re in sarah’s mini cooper, on your way to your house. she keeps glancing in your direction every two minutes but otherwise left you alone. the windows are down, the ocean air wrapping itself around you like a hug.

the gravel underneath the car’s tires made a satisfying crunch, grounding you to the present.

“i’m so sorry about today,” sarah apologized for the hundredth time and you assured her once again that it was fine and to not fret.

she reluctantly accepted, leaving once you shut the door behind you. leaning your head back against the door you concentrated in breathing in and out, in and out.

a bang sounded down the hallway. “mom?”

no answer. you went to see where you thought you had heard it the sound from, but the house was empty as far as you could tell.

what if? no. it was probably the wind or my imagination.

you made your way up the stairs, groggily and plopped on top of your bed once you were secure in your bedroom.

you sighed, “finally.”

taking your phone out of your bag, you saw five missed calls and 3 messages from sarah in the past five minutes.

a chill ran down your spine when another poem arrived.

you stared at your screen in horror.

it was you from last night.

extra:

sarah's phone: saturday, may 24, 2025.

so... what do we think? i lwk think i've ruined the story but LEMME KNOW

ALSO i was gonna make rafe be an asshole but @inthelibrarybtw said no so.... BLAME HER

no, im joking i asked for her help cuz esta que está aqui no puede tomar una decisión ni para salvar su vida.

also the way rafe had the sun behind him

get it? hahahah

HE'S OUR SUN ASDFHAJSHDFJ i fear i would faint a thousand times more just so he can help me breathe.

mouth to mouth should be included cuz wtf

no but in case the part where he helps is confusing, it's because the reader was out of it and panic came in because miss girl does not have one nonchalant bone in her body and spirals over anything.

she wasn't responding and sarah was screaming and he has known reader for years so of course he would be worried.

let's not forget he was/is friends with jj and topper *check their ig profiles (:

do we smell drama??? I DO

psa this was not the way i had outlined this story, they're taking a life of their own and it's lwk scary cuz now i don't know who to kill off...

dead bodies might start appearing soon, but not before more ANGST

what? who said that?

no but why do i want to spoil my own story?? IT'S SO HARD TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT i just want to put it out there already

but patience is key

also: i make it mandatory to listen to memoir of a sparklemuffin (deluxe) thank you.

it is the official soundtrack of this story and here is my face reveal as a reward:

i'm so cool y'all

sparklemuffins are peak feminism, seriously

look it up.

favorite album ngl and nonchalant represents me in every level LISTEN TO IT!!!

BTW memoir of a sparklemuffin is lwk canon cuz i saw that my fun was playing in s4 episode 8 of obx

dedicated to my sparklemuffins (i feel like it fits): @countryclubwhore @onlyangel-444 @papercranesandinkstains @inthelibrarybtw @cokewithcameron @jaes-last-words @rafesbabygirlx @ethanthequeefqueen @7-deadly-cats @ewwwitsel @rockkybbys @luvvly-lydia @jenna0rtegaswife

[angstywaifu]

Black Dahlia - 54. Need A Favour

Summary: Xaden corners Imogen and Dahlia to ask them for a favour in regards to Violet, though Dahlia is hesitant she's the right choice for this.

A/N: One year ago the first part of Dahlia went up after being inspired by one of my one shots. And a year later she still plagues my mind every day. Thank you all for a year of following this fic. I can't wait for you all to see what I have planned. Enjoy your double post weekend! Black Dahlia Masterlist | Masterlist | Links

“I need to ask you both a favour.” Xaden says to Imogen and I as he pulls us aside before entering the dining hall before breakfast.

”What kind of favour?” I ask as I cross my arms over my chest.

I never thought I’d see the day Xaden Riorson would be asking me for a favour. And honestly, I couldn’t think of anything I could help him with. Especially anything that could involve Imogen as well.

”I need you both to help train Sorrengail.” He tells us as his onyx eyes flit between the two of us.

Imogen mirrors my stance as she leans against the wall and cocks an eyebrow at him as if she also can’t believe what she’s hearing.

”Why can’t you train her?” She asks him, a slight bite to her tone.

”Because you’re in her squad. And after the little show I put on, I can’t be seen giving her special treatment. And I can’t always be there remember.” He tells her bluntly.

I can tell there’s something in hidden in what he tells her when she glances at my quickly before turning her eyes back to him and nodding.

”Fine, I guess I can help.” She says, rolling her eyes as if she’s inconvenienced by this but with how Xaden smirks slightly at her I know she doesn’t mind.

”Why do you need me then? I’m not on her Squad, and I’m not her Squad Leader. She’s not my responsibility.” I tell Xaden, whose attention shifts to me.

”Well aware. But she knows you. And you didn’t break her arm the first you met. So I feel like she’ll be more receptive of you.” He tells me with a shrug.

”You really think she’s going to be receptive of me helping her? She hates me. She’s listened to every lie that’s come from my brothers mouth about me. I am the last person she is going to be receptive of.” I fire back as Imogen snickers.

”I have hope she’ll warm up to you with time.” He says with another shrug before turning towards the dining hall. “Besides, you seem to have a way of making people who don’t like you change their minds. So prove her wrong and show her who you really are.” And with that he pushes open the door, leaving Imogen and I on our own.

”He’s right you know. You really do have a knack for it.” Imogen tells me as we wait outside the gym for our training session with Violet.

I roll my eyes. “Somehow I feel like Garrick is a little different to Violet. Pretty sure she isn’t torn on if she wants to have sex with me or hate me.”

”Hey you never know, you could be her type. She was into Dain. Maybe she has a thing for Aetos’s.” She says with a shrug.

”If you ever compare Dain and I as being someones type, I might just hit you over the head with one of those weights in that gym.” I tell her before we both laugh at each other.

It was scary how well her and I got a long already. Since last night where we’d had our little bonding moment over Garrick, we’d just clicked. Most of our conversation today had revolved around Violet and her training, but it was easy to tell we were similar in many ways. And there was a part of me that felt bad for her. I could see how easily she could have fallen into my position and be with Garrick. It honestly surprised me she didn’t hate me for it when she clearly should have. But I wasn’t going to push that she should as I was somewhat enjoying having a friend who was similar to me.

”Speaking of your brother.” Imogen says as she nods behind me.

I turn to see Dain and Violet talking, watching as he reaches up and palms her face gently. “Is he reading her memories?” I ask before I can stop the question.

But Imogen doesn’t miss a beat before replying. “More than likely trying to see what Xaden has said to her. Which he’ll find nothing if he is.”

Clearly Dain’s signet isn’t as classified as I thought if Imogen is aware of it. That or Xaden told her. Being a Wingleader he fell into the category of leadership that could know about classified signets if it was needed.

”You say that like Xaden has something to hide from him.” I point out.

”Don’t we all? Your brother can get whatever information he wants without having to ask. You and I both know that he would do whatever it takes to get whatever he can on Riorson or us marked ones to see us taken care of.”

She isn’t wrong. And I don’t disagree with her as I turn my attention to my brother. He’s spent his whole life knowing everything. Doing whatever he can to keep our fathers approval. I wouldn’t doubt he’d take whatever he could back to our father or leadership to get them all punished or worse.

”Sorrengail, lets go. I am not sitting around all night. If our squad leader is done with you, that is.” She calls out with her arms folded across her chest.

Dain’s eyes snap up to as as he steps back before turning his attention back to Violet. “They’re training you?”

Violet turns as see’s me standing next to Imogen. Imogen had left out I would be helping them. We weren’t sure if knowing I was going to be around would deter her from turning up. But she turns around, looking completely unphased about my presence.

”They offered.” She says with a shrug.

”Squad loyalty and all that. Blah. blah.” Imogen offering a smile that looks very forced compared to the smile she gave me earlier.

”And what about you? You’re not her Squad Leader.” Dain fires at me.

I roll my eyes and push off the doorway. “Well aware Dain. But nothing saying I can’t train with other squads. Let’s go with Wing loyalty and all that.” I tell him as I throw back Imogen’s words from before as I turn and enter the gym, no longer wanting to deal with him.

I push open the door seeing Garrick kneeling down on the mat next to a marked first year from another Squad in our wing doing push-ups as he urges her on. His eyes briefly shift to me, offering a smirk as he takes me in before turning his attention back to the first year. A few moments later the door opens again as Violet and Imogen follow me in, noting the absence of Dain who they had clearly left behind.

”Don’t worry, Sorrengail. Only three of us in here, plus an old family friend. You’re perfectly safe.” Imogen coos at her in a sweet tone that has me coughing to mask my snicker.

”You’re the only one I worry about.” Violet mutters as she follows Imogen to one of the leg machines.

Imogen laughs, and unlike the smile she gave Dain before, it sounds genuine. “Fair point. Since we can’t work that ankle of yours or your arms until they heal, we’re going to start with the most important muscles you have for staying on a dragon.” She tells Violet as she observes Violet’s body. “Those weak-ass inner thighs.”

”You two are only doing this because Xaden is making you, right?” She asks as as she sits in the seat of the leg machine.

Imogen’s eyes snap up to Violet, the shift in her attitude obvious even for me who stands behind her. “Rule number one. He’s Riorson to you, first year, and you never get to question me about him. Ever.”

”That’s two rules.” Violet points out bluntly.

”Fine, two rules then Sorrengail. And we can keep adding to them if we need. But Xaden asked us a favour, so we agreed. And if you want to stay alive, you’ll accept our help. So less bitching and more working out.” I tell her.

Her eyes snap to me, and I can tell she wants to bite back at me. But her eyes actually soften when they meet mine. Something she hadn’t done since the day my mother died. I’m not sure what she see’s, but it’s enough to have her backing down.

”Now get to work. Push them back together. Thirty reps.” Imogen tells her as she pulls on the lever, forcing Violet’s legs apart.

@imtoanonymousforyou @simplyme-fornow @omalmal @lalaluch @wolfbc97 @leptitlu @fullmoon-94 @the-fandom-ness @fan-of-many-bands @awkardnerd @heeseungthel0ml @acourtofsmutandstarlight @fairchild06 @freyagallileaevans @pit-and-the-pen @hannraumari @elliot-rain @thestarseternaal @stupid-and-contagious01 @hyperfixation-train-station @lxnvmvrzx @thebreadisthetruevillian @red0202 @fangirling-galore @craftytrashprincess @taliyahvermillion @xadenswhore @fenixyrie @lagrandeourse @hellodarling1357 @iambored24601  @thegiftofacreativemind @fanfictionjunkie1112 @mysticalfuncollectorus @ohlookitsasinglepoeceofpopcorn @emoravenwolf @imheretobeinvisible @pvrkacciosan @fuckingsimp4azriel

[jewishbarbies]

since you just talked about noah schnapp, i really wanted to add something because i am in the st fandom and recently i do see some pushbacks (mostly people who are fans of his character) against the bullying and harrassment he is subject to. while i feel relieved about that, i just cannot shake off the unsettling feeling in my gut whenever i see some of those people preface their defense with something along the line of "he was a stupid kid, he made a mistake" or "he is jewish he doesn't know any better".

just yesterday, i saw a post about this issue and these are some of the comments in the reblogs (word for word): "noah was raised jewish and likely adopted the zionist viewpoints from older people around him, which is commonplace in children raised around certain views." "The hate over a then 19 year old being mislead and brainwashed by pro Israel propaganda is absolutely insane" "While his statements did have problematic things in it in my opinion it was more because of ignorance than actual malice and he needed to be educated and not attacked like that"

i'm not sure if it's my place to speak on this because i'm not jewish and i was pretty much ignorant about antisemitism for like the first 20 years of my life. in my country, whenever we talk about jews, it's either in relation to the holocaust (i remember very clearly that it was only a section in a very generalized lesson about ww2 during my history class. we never dived deep into this subject because world history was not really prioritized compared to lessons about our local history) or that jews are smart. hell, i never even heard anyone refer to israel as the jewish state and mostly as a middle east country whose people managed to turn a desert into a habitable thriving land. the last two years have certainly shaken my worldview up a lot and ngl i have grown somewhat hardened over any overt antisemitic remarks and behaviors, but there is something about those comments above that just stucks with me - the way they sound so casual when being dismissive and disdainful towards his Jewish upbringing and belief. i wonder if it's just me being oversensitive these days or that i'm more attune to these casual dismissive acts as i didn't grow up with all sorts of degrading beliefs about jewish people instilled into my brain.

sorry for this incoherent rant. i also happen to be an eurovision fan so seeing the way that fandom treated yuval, then the dc shooting and then this… i just have a lot in my mind and i really don't know how to articulate it coherently. i'm so sorry for what is going on and how the world dismisses Jewish and Israeli people's pain and suffering. no matter what, i'll stand with you guys and words cannot express how much i admire your solidarity, determination, and the amount of attention you guys have towards each and every hostage. love ❤️

no, you’re not over sensitive. those comments are disgustingly antisemitic.

I’m not surprised from the st fandom, given my own horrible experience as a jewish person in that fandom years ago. to my knowledge, Noah has not changed his views in any way, so to say he was “just raised like that” in a sense is way off and disgustingly ignorant. it’s all truly phrased as if being jewish in and of itself is problematic regardless of zionism status.

it’s easier to pick up on these days simply because the bigots have gotten louder, more honest, and doubled in number. they’re not playing coy or saving it for a private gc, they’re just saying exactly what horrible things they think right up front and they’re proud of it.

thank you for your kind words. we really do deeply appreciate anyone who supports us, especially with everything going on.

[monbons]

Stitchy Sunday Musings

Thanks for the tag @thewholelemon. I also don't really have an update, but I did have a bit of a reflection I wanted to share today that I hope will speak to some of you---and selfishly---also keep me motivated on the days that are hard. So, with that, story time...

Exactly a year ago, I started my doll-stitching journey and the very first set of dolls I ever gifted were mermaids. I was inspired by @iamamythologicalcreature's gorgeous mer-May art.

This first set was entirely hand stitched because I did not have a sewing machine, nor did I think making dolls would become something I actively pursued in any real way. It was just something I did for fun---a way to channel my creative energy when the words wouldn't come while also paying tribute to some of my favorite fics and their authors.

Fast-forward to my newest dolls and the growth is almost unbelievable. You can see aspects of my final style in my very first dolls, but everything about this last set has evolved. This particular set represents just over 24 hours of work (a significant chunk of them on that tail that boasts 600+ hand-sewn sequins). I also experimented with new hair textures and colors, and apparently, I embroider eyebrows now. (As if making the eyes symmetrical wasn't hard enough!)

It may sound like I am boasting. I swear I am not. Instead, I wanted to post this because this is just one year of committing to a thing and working really fucking hard at it. It is also the kind of visible "success" that is so hard to get elsewhere.

When I first started contributing to fandom, it was as a writer. If your primary contribution to fandom is writing, it can be really hard to do a side-by-side comparison like this. As a result, we often rely on measures of growth or success that can be compared: kudos, reblogs, and comments obviously, but also word counts, fics published per year, etc. Honestly? None of those are reliable (and dare I say worthy?) measures of how beautiful a piece of work is, let alone a journey of growth and joy. It isn't to say they don't have their place, but "the numbers" aren't everything...and they can often feel disheartening.

Anyway, I've been feeling really down on myself recently for a whole host of reasons, but a huge contributor is that I've been having so much trouble with writing. For weeks, "the numbers" have haunted me. Not just the public numbers (I've wanted to scream into a pillow about kudos and likes more than once this year), but the private ones (I'm "behind" on words from this same point last year).

And then I took this humble doll offering to a book signing this past week and the author cried tears of joy, which made me cry. Several people in the signing line gasped when they held up my little merman and his love. Several others came up and talked to me about my art and wanted to know more. For the first time in months, I felt really proud of something I had made, and I guess this post is about holding on to that feeling. When I made these dolls, I wasn't trying to meet some external metric or creating for audience consumption. I wasn't even sure I would post my dolls anywhere since this isn't SnowBaz. I was simply making for the joy of it, and that night, which cannot be quantified in likes or comments or numbers of any kind, filled me up in a way I desperately needed.

Anyway, if you are still with me after this long ramble, thank you. Like I said, it was mostly for me. I wanted to remember that the beauty of my work actually can't be measured, no matter how much I try to do so. That I may not always be lucky enough to see the impact on others like I did with these dolls, but that doesn't make the effort any less valuable. And most of all, that none of that is the point. I wanted to make these dolls, I enjoyed making these dolls, and I am getting better at it because making dolls makes me happy. I needed to remember that. And if that was the case for me, I figured someone else might need to remember it too.

It feels weird to tag people in this, but hellos and high-fives from the philosophical doll factory anyway. May your creative endeavors bring you joy today and every day.

@alexalexinii, @argumentativeantitheticalg, @aristocratic-otter, @arthurkko, @artsyunderstudy, @bachusekart, @best--dress, @blackberrysummerblog, @brilla-brilla-estrellita, @bookish-bogwitch, @confused-bi-queer, @cutestkilla, @drowninginships, @emeryhall, @facewithoutheart, @harrie-leithillustration, @hushed-chorus, @iamamythologicalcreature, @ic3que3n, @ileadacharmedlife, @katatsumuli, @larkral, @letraspal, @mooncello, @noblecorgi, @orange-peony, @prettygoododds, @raenestee, @rbkzz, @roomwithanopenfire, @run-for-chamo-miles, @rimeswithpurple, @shrekgogurt, @skeedelvee, @stitchyqueer, @supercutedinosaurs, @talentpiper11, @the-beard-of-edward-teach, @twinkle-twinkle-up-above, @theimpossibledemon, @thewholelemon, @wellbelesbian, @whatevertheweather, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @youarenevertooold, @jyae23, @j-trow-95

[quantwigmania]

emmett and elle

assuming this is about the brutally honest ship ask post so i can have an excuse to be absolutely unhinged. sorry.

okay so honestly and truthfully they are likely my favourite ship of all time. which is a hard thing for me to say.

these two just struck something in me and i just love them so very dearly and think they deserve the world. here are my (messy) thoughts

So I have liked Legally Blonde (2001) in a normal way for quite a bit and it never crossed a line until I saw the musical last summer. I always liked Elle and Emmett's relationship, how it was just enough but I also always wanted a bit more with them. It's a pretty universal belief that the musical is so much better (hello much better) and one of the ways that it really fleshes out their relationship in a way that is so natural and beautiful.

As Heather Hach put it, when making the musical the whole creative team sort of agreed Emmett needed some reworking because "God love Luke Wilson, but he pretty much sat on a bench and drove a car and then they were madly in love." Which, is true!

And part of that reworking to make him a fleshed out character so the relationship between him and Elle felt more satisfying evolved into him essentially being her opposite. I've always thought about it in the way that throughout their lives, Elle has always been told "yes" while Emmett has always been told "no."

Elle's character arc sort of begins when she gets that first big "no" in her life via Warner telling her he isn't going to marry her. Instead of accepting this, she goes through an excessive way of trying to win him back. She hasn't been told "no" in her life, which is why she's so confident her plan is going to work. She's used to getting what she wants in a way that isn't spoiled. She's a hot, blonde, and rich white girl living in California who is naturally smart and has never had to try very hard to get the things she wants, because whatever it may be, it always finds a way to her.

Comparing this to Emmett, who has quite literally worked his ass off to get where he is because he's barely ever given a chance. He's still at Harvard a full year and a half after graduating because Callahan hasn't given him the "yes" he's been waiting for. It's a very obvious theme that Callahan doesn't see Emmett as a respectable person, which is part of the reason why that "guaranteed career" from getting Callahan's internship that Warner talks about hasn't landed in Emmett's lap yet. Callahan doesn't take Emmett seriously, in a way that parallels how Warner doesn't take Elle seriously. Neither of them look the part.

Elle and Emmett are both people who "don't belong" in the world of Harvard Law. This video is really good at talking about all the ways that Elle doesn't fit in within the context of the movie. Things like being the only blonde on campus, the way she dresses, and even covers her parents as examples of coming from "new money." Everyone else at Harvard (that's important to the movie) comes from "old money" and is really where Elle struggles to fit in and understand how to cross that line. I think the musical does just a good of job at portraying the difference between Elle and Warner/Vivienne, missing out on a few bits due to being difficult to translate those specifics to the stage. The overall of it, though, remains there.

Emmett, however, sticks out in a different way. Like Elle, he doesn't fit in with the "old money" aspect as he has no money. He grew up in the slums, raised by a single mom, and has never stopped working for what he wants. While we don't see his personal Harvard experience, the "they laughed at me like they're laughing at you" line from Chip on My Shoulder really highlights the point that I think he connected with Elle on.

The shared experience of isolation from their respective classmates is more of a personal interpretation which I relate to my own experiences, but I think there's a strong case for it. Emmett takes on an initial interest in Elle and to his best efforts tries to make her feel like she belongs at Harvard. He believes she's there for a reason, just like he was, even if no one else can see it.

Inviting her to join the group when she first arrives (after Enid mocks her directly), listening to what she has to say (even when he doesn't understand), and pointing her in the right direction of Criminal Law 101 are his initial acts of kindness. He doesn't get up and leave like everyone else as soon as she asks for help, he stays.

To me, Emmett's relationship with Elle at the start is grounded in his own (likely isolated) experience at Harvard. He's doing his best to make her feel like she has a friend, someone there who sees her, appreciates her, and feels like she has something meaningful to contribute. What he says to Elle when she gets kicked out of class grounds that to me at least, how he's had equally humiliating experiences but was able to bounce back from them. Since he has, she can too.

Emmett being there for her arc in Chip is so pivotal because of his perspective. Elle's not self-centred exactly, but learning Emmett's story helps her understand the importance of hard work to getting what you want. It's especially hard for her when she's focusing on impressing Warner than herself. Emmett lays this out for her:

I don't know if you've noticed before But each time Warner walks through the door Your IQ goes down to 40, maybe less

A big part of Emmett's character is that he notices Elle's potential before anyone else does. He studies with her. He knows she's smart and capable, and he puts it together that Warner is the entire issue. She's been going about this in the wrong way. Emmett's outside perspective of the situation is a pivotal moment for Elle as she's so wrapped up in trying to be what Warner wants.

Take It Like a Man is Elle's turn to teach Emmett about what he's lacking. It comes after Callahan is giving him a chance, making him co-counsel on the Wyndham trial, and he starts screwing it up. He doesn't get the alibi from Brooke. Worse for him, Elle goes behind his back to get it. He's not being seen as a leader or a lawyer, and Callahan isn't starting to take him any more seriously.

Calling him "ratty corduroy" shows us what has been hinted at previously, that Callahan doesn't have any respect for Emmett, and is why he is struggling to make him take him seriously. Elle recognizes this, and gives him some words of advice: You've got to look the part if you want to get ahead. Emmett understands what Elle doesn't, and Elle understands what Emmett doesn't. They balance each other out and it makes it beautiful.

Seeing him in a brand new suit gives both of them a brand new perspective of Emmett, as they realize this was his missing piece. He's not taken seriously because he's not taking himself seriously. In a way similar to Elle, he's working harder in all of the areas he doesn't need to be.

The "I look like Warner" line is also very pivotal to me as it's the moment I think Elle realizes her feelings for Emmett. The delivery differs between Pre-Broadway/Broadway for Laura Bell Bundy (the way "Yeah" is said on the OBCR vs in the pro-shot, for example), but either way gets what I think it's trying to show. More specifically, the lines she sings after he says "but it's just me":

That's the best part The outside is new But now it reflects what's already in you

Emmett finally "looking the part" suggests that Elle's feelings for Warner were built on the idea that he "looked the part" for the man she was going to marry. He was put together, presentable, and cared about her enough to date her for however long they were together. She fell for Warner because she thought he was someone else.

Emmett looking like Warner now, but still being Emmett, the guy who has been supportive of Elle since day one, who stuck with her despite her continually failing to meet Warner's standards of serious, and a true friend.

There's even a bit when they break back into the chorus in a few recordings, Elle looks at Emmett a bit too long until she realizes she's doing so and looks away.

The whole song more obviously sets up (but really solidifies) Emmett's feelings for Elle, but having the balance between Elle either realizing her feelings or start to consider she has feelings for him is really important.

Legally Blonde is truly the next big shift and there is a lot to say about this one. Elle comes up to Emmett and starts thanking him for being there for her, telling him that in spite of everything he helped her work for she was ultimately a hopeless case. He tells her that's ludicrous, and then they share the "You are/were the best thing about this place." line, which is so beautifully heartbreaking.

Emmett picks up again, singing "Elle, you should know..." as if he's going to tell her that he's in love with her. She cuts him off by telling him about Callahan, and he tries to tell her they can fix it and they can fight it, but she's already decided that Harvard was never the place for her to be.

The confession (which I think happens in Emmett's head but perhaps thats for another time...) that follows has Emmett telling himself that if she had known he was in love with her, she might've stayed for him.

A detail which I think is also pointed out fairly often is that Emmett's "what about love" verse is in the same melody as the leitmotif from What You Want. The same melody is used when Elle realizes she enjoys helping the underdog, which also connects back to the overall theme of What You Want. Such a wonderful musical, I'm telling you guys.

In early versions of the ballad, Elle doesn't tell Emmett that Callahan kissed her. He doesn't understand why she's upset, and she avoids telling him altogether. My personal favourite version of the verse they both sing after Elle shuts her door:

How can I leave Now that I know How much it hurts me to go?

While there's not an entire reason for Elle not telling Emmett about it at this point, one of my few theories about it is that she is trying to stay out of his potential career. She knows how much this case means to him, she knows how hard he's worked to get here, and she doesn't want him to throw it all away.

In this early version of her not telling him, Vivienne ends up telling him about it offstage and he shows up at The Hair Affair to convince her to stay. For reference:

Elle: I'm going back to where I make sense. Emmett: Elle, you make sense right here! ... Brooke is refusing to go back to trail without you. Elle: Emmett, I'm sorry, but I've made up my mind. Emmett: Oh, so all the sisterhood forever stuff was just talk? Elle: No. Emmett: So let's see it then. Brooke needs you. I need you. I mean, we all do– look at what you did with Nikos ...

Ultimately I'm glad they reworked the scene but I still like the early renditions of the ballad and the shows that have the scene from above. It makes more sense for Elle to tell Emmet about it. Random tangent for reading this far <3

Emmett not appearing until after Legally Blonde (Remix) solidifies what Elle's character arc is really about, though, and makes room for Vivienne's arc to close as well. When we see him next, bursting into the courtroom to announce that Elle can defend Brooke (which is a subtle parallel to when Callahan bursts in to interrupt him), Emmett gets a great moment to shine.

Aside from the tie evolution, Emmett standing up to Callahan not only shows his support for Elle but completely rounds out his character. While part of this is nice knowing how hard Emmett has worked for his career, he's more than willing to quit working for Callahan and stand up for himself. He's confident and knows what he wants– even if it jeopardizes everything he's been working so hard for. He's been waiting for Callahan to give him a chance, and once he finally proves himself as a valuable employee (breaking Nikos), he takes that away from Callahan but also himself. Because of Elle.

In a way it can also be showing his commitment to Elle that Warner never could, even if you don't want to interpret it as inherently romantic. One of the reasons Warner breaks up with Elle is because she doesn't match the life and career he's imagined for himself. After all Emmett has done to build his own life and career, he's willing to sacrifice it in support of Elle.

And we see with the epilogue that Emmett goes on to have a successful career as a lawyer, being the one to handle Callahan's divorce. Elle helped him build the confidence he needed to get that for himself, just like he helped Elle build the work ethic to get her own confidence.

And of course the proposal scene, where Elle gets down on one knee in front of everyone and asks Emmett to "make [her] the happiest woman [she] knows," closes out their relationship and shows us just how far Elle has come.

Instead of waiting to get what she wants, she goes out there and gets it. I also saw somewhere point out how the line she uses is a cliché line that is usually used when men propose. This parallels the start of the musical have Elle worrying about "leaving Warner his pride," as proposing to Emmett in front of everyone would definitely be something Warner would find humiliating. But Emmett, of course, says yes!

And then there's the contrast between "'Cause we love you guys! / No, I love you guys!" and "'Cause we love you guys! / No, we love you guys!"

Honestly, I could probably say more. But I genuinely love their relationship and how it develops, the connection they have, and how it's a real genuine love story of two people supporting each other. This was pretty disorganized and I did NOT expect to write this much. overall I guess I like them just a little bit <3 /s

[twisted-wonderland-shenanigans]

Kaiju AU Concepts

So while I'm currently slowly working my way through working on my AUs, I had a burst of energy and motivation to draw some Kaiju concepts for characters we've already seen in what I've written--namely Grim and Crowley! (I did have a concept for Crewel's Kaiju form I did last year, but I'm probably going to edit it and just do a before and after comparison or something)

Kaiju AU Grim/Grimfang:

Notes:

This design is based on the updated description in the rewrite of the first chapter I'm almost finished with, keeping enough of his original design while making it fit into the AU.

The crystal on his chest is embedded into the flesh, and yes, it is purple like the crystal on his ribbon in game! It was a spur of the moment thought while sketching, but seemed very fitting and would lend more into the crystals being important to the kaiju themselves and how it helps with regulating magic similar to their in-game counterparts.

In the story, Yuu is supposed to be able to give Grim a proper bath since his fur wasn't as clean as it could have been when they first met. That's how Yuu will discover the crystal.

Keep in mind this is a relatively rough concept sketch to help me with designing the final version. In the meantime, this'll at least help with visualization when reading!

"Average Human" is essentially how tall an average sized human would be compared to kaiju Grim, since not every Yuu is the same height or size!

Kaiju AU Crowley/Nevermore Concept:

Notes:

So...I'll be honest, I've rarely if ever drawn anything relatively bird-like, so Crowley's design in this AU always made me worry he'd be too cartoony or something if I'd attempted before. It is a complete and utter accident that he wound up looking like a griffin without the lion half, but I'm not complaining! 😂

His "face mask" wound up being a last minute pattern I added, which wound up helping flesh him out more and not making him look like any old griffin bird creature. Still a major concept development for his overall design, but I'm feeling more confident on how he looks!

Based on the height differences for each kaiju here, I'd put Crowley at 70 ft tall. Which is pretty crazy in general, but then again, so is Godzilla and the other monsters, so eh. XD Anyway, tiny average human is spooked!

Yes, Crowley has those tiny arms that I mentioned in the rewrite snippet I had posted a bit ago, I just gotta figure out how they're shaped and such. They typically hide under all that chest floof!

That's all I've got for now regarding their designs. I'm still tapping away at the rewrite and working out how each character is designed. I've also got to post the updated species list since I decided to change things around, so keep an eye out for that! 😌